Drops in the ocean
by sub.C
Summary: PART 1/3 COMPLETE! "There she was. Back on her way to this derelict, abandoned village. Not knowing how to explain this to him. But she couldn't leave.. for so many reasons... she just couldn't." After Iroh has died at Azula's hands in the empty ghost village [#208: The Chase], Zuko finds himself at the point of collapse. And as if this wasn't enough, involuntarily he gets company.
1. Losing and finding

Summary:

"There she was. Back on her way to this derelict, abandoned village. Not knowing how to explain this to him. But she couldn't leave... for so many reasons... she just couldn't."  
After Iroh has died at Azula's hands in the empty ghost village [episode 208 - The Chase], Zuko finds himself at the point of collapse. And as if this wasn't enough, involuntarily he gets company. Not that as well!  
- My very first fic... and probably the only one I'll ever write :)! Zuko x OC, rated T for... I'm not quite sure what's yet to come... ó.O! So far there are some mentions of a su*c*de att*mpt, but no details.

-x-x-x-

**A/N: Hey there, just a few comments in advance :)! Before I start I wanna say THX to some people! **

**Firstly thanks to my beta Fruipit who's willing to go through my funny English and to correct my wording (as English is not my native language!) - it makes this story sound a lot BETA :D!**  
**Secondly there are a few people and/or stories in here that got me motivated to write and publish an own fic... so I really really have to thank xxTigerAvatarXX, Magnusrae, Eilonnvy and Inkcharm for their amazing fics and for getting me started ;)... they're the ones to blame for this! :)**  
**THANK YOU GUYS! :) :) :)**

**Alright... so here we go... I proudly present my very first chapter! I'm so EXCITED! :)**

-x-x-x-

* * *

_PROLOGUE_

* * *

_Sometimes it's hard not to get lost and not to despair when you're facing this war all alone and you're realizing how small and helpless you are... when you start to understand that even your greatest extraordinary skills or additional powers of perception can't really improve anything at all and even your biggest efforts aren't more than a drop in the ocean._

_But I won't. That's my promise. No matter what happens, I won't let this war wipe out neither my beliefs, my personality, my warmth and affection towards others... nor my roots, my tribe's knowledge, passed on from generation to generation. And above all, my promise is to not let my people down. Not again. Their spirit will live on through my deeds. That's the least I owe them._  
_And if MY life won't be destroyed, I hopefully will stop more lives from being destroyed. Thus I keep doing what I do from day-to-day. Trying not to give in. Although my skills sometimes seem to be rather a curse then a blessing._

_But maybe sometimes the ocean isn't essential at all. Instead of watching your drop become swallowed in the never-ending sea, you have to put it in a little tide pool, and keep an eye on that small place; it's actually not necessarry to watch over the whole ocean.  
_

-x-x-x-**  
**

**-1-**

* * *

**LOSING AND FINDING  
**

* * *

There she was. Back on her way to this derelict, abandoned village. Not knowing how to explain this to him. _Oh dear what a well-considered plan, congratulations._ But she couldn't leave... for so many reasons... she just couldn't. She was not able to.

She arrived at that decision when they reached Appa. She had to explain to the others that she couldn't come with them any longer... that she had no doubt they would make their way anyway and she wished them all the best for their mission. She promised not to do anything to put this mission at risk. The fact that she wanted to play her own part in ending the war wouldn't change just because she would accompany the Fire Prince for a while now. It was just another task. She asked them to trust her. And finally they did.

When they left the bedraggled village, each step away from the Fire Nation Prince and the dead body next to him got more difficult for her. This wasn't right. It felt like... hiding behind a tree, not being able to move, watching things happen and not doing anything. She pushed those memories to the back of her mind. She couldn't leave because she knew what he was going through right now... and what was yet to come. Or at least she could relate to it, based on her own painful experience. She knew how it felt to lose the ones you loved most. To accuse yourself of letting them down. She new how it felt, being responsible for their death. She glanced at her wrists. Those ugly scars would always remind her of the most desolate times of her life.  
Sureen sighed, a sharp voice in the back of her head kicking her into action. _Get moving! Think about your past when you've got some free time - that time is not now._

She was nearly back at the small village after having seen Aang off. She couldn't just see the decrepit buildings; she could feel the grief, the air full of heavy vibrations - Zuko's vibrations. Carefully, her eyes flickered, scanning the ruins and remains that surrounded her, trying to grasp every corner of the abandoned village, looking for, but never finding, the one person she wanted to. She knew he had to be around; however she knew he would never, ever leave Iroh's body alone on the floor in the middle of nowhere. She could feel him - his confusion, his grief and despair hit her mind like a hammer and saddened her heart. _But that's not MY feeling! God! When will I ever learn to make that difference?!_

Before Sureen could spend more time with getting upset about herself, she suddenly saw him. Prince Zuko came right up to her, carrying a large stack of wood that he had probably collected in the ruins. With an effort he put down his heavy burden next to his uncle's body moving in a slow, almost mechanical way. Sureen could see that he was still completely in shock because of the tragic occurrence he had to face today. _Right... here we are... now I have put into action my non-existing "well-considered plan". Hopefully it was the right decision to come back… I mean… of course it was, but I have to take care now. I really have to think twice about every step I take from now on. Otherwise I would only make the whole situation even worse… it's all up to me. Well… seems like now or never!_

Before Zuko could leave again to collect some more wood for Iroh's cremation she stepped out of the shadows of her hideout and coughed slightly to attract attention to herself. It succeeded immediately – quick as lightning Zuko turned around, a fireball was already flaming in his right hand.  
"WHO'S THERE?!" he shouted, his distrustful voice full of rage.  
"It's YOU again!" He recognized the girl... or young woman... he had seen some hours ago for the first time. And according to his clear request to leave, it ought to to be for the last time as well. But no. Obviously there she was again, heading his way with unflinching courage. It was hard to reason her age from her small frame and her inconspiciuous appearance. Though this time she looked quite undaunted with her flowing dark brown hair and her flaring brown eyes.

The Prince stopped a moment before he added – "Didn't you get it? I said – LEAVE! And that means everyone!" He punched the fire forward, aiming at Sureen who could only jump behind a wall just in time to avoid the flaming projectile.  
_Damn._ She had no chance to do anything. As long as he was in THAT mood she would only get burned or killed or both. She had to stay behind that wall... tree... motionless... watching things happen and not being able to do anything but wait. _Shit._ Slowly she watched as the scene changed into a forest.

She could see her burning village in the darkness through the trees... her people being captured and taken away by Fire Nation soldiers... while she was hiding behind a tree, unable to move... she could feel their anxiety, despair and their... _helpless rage?! Uhmm... no. Wait..._  
Slowly her memories began to fade again and she came back to reality. No. This would NOT happen to her twice. This time she would not hide instead of acting. _Not again. Alright then. Here I am. Go ahead honey and kill me if you want to._ With a deep breath she stepped out of her hideout, right in the middle of the main street. Carefully but full of resolution she finally walked in his direction.

He was still kneeled exactly on the same place as before, without moving, looking up or showing any reaction. Of course he saw her approaching from the corner of his eye. But he was too tired to dash some more fireballs at her. She had won. He had no idea why it was so important to her to come back in spite of his express request to leave... but anyway. He decided to ignore her in order to show her that her attendance was undesired.

As she slowly approached him, Sureen took a careful glance at the Prince. He looked so lost and broken inside that she found it difficult not to get lost in her empathy for him – she wouldn't, though, as she knew that this was the last thing he wanted or needed right now. While she was thinking about that, she arrived next to Zuko ... _without being attacked and still alive...! _Sureen sighed with relief and kneeled down besides him.

"Ok then. You think I didn't get it when you instructed me to leave?! Well I DID get it quite well actually. MAYBE because you were loud enough and it could not be missed. But actually... well... I'm sorry. Maybe this was a stupid idea and I shouldn't have come back. But I just had to... I couldn't leave... because... I... DAMN! There are so many reasons and it's such a long story and I don't know how to explain and I don't wanna assail you with a flood of words... but I probably would. I just wanna say - I'm sorry for coming back and for not listening to you... and finally... thanks for not shooting any further fireballs at me. Yes. Sorry."  
She looked at him but still there was no visible reaction. "You know, years ago I concluded that no one should ever be forced to face something like this all by oneself. No matter if it's the Prince of the Fire Nation or... some unknown girl from an unknown tribe... or anybody else. That's why I had to come back. But I won't bother you any longer now."

Silently she stood up and started collecting some dry fire wood as well. The broken down houses around her were just right for these requirements.  
Zuko gazed after her with confusion. _Great. Apparently ignoring her is leading to nowhere. Great plan then._ But he had to confess - though he would never admit this towards anyone - that her words kind of touched him. She had seriously tried to apologize and though he had no clue of what she was trying to explain... or trying to explain she couldn't explain he could no longer be mad at her for coming back. But this didn't change the fact that he didn't want any company now. It would only unsettle him even more. He sighed. _Well... whatever... obviously she's here now anyway_. _As if this wasn't already enough...!_ He hardly felt it though - the pain he knew he should feel didn't get through to him. He saw his uncle's dead body lying on the floor right next to him... it didn't feel real but rather like some kind of nightmare. He surely would wake up soon...

"Oh... but before I forget – my name is Sureen." Her voice right beside him brought him back to reality.  
"Oh, uhmm… my name is Zuko, Prince of the Fire Nation."  
"Well... yes. I know. Actually. But anyway... nice to meet you!"  
Sureen smiled _... at least he still can talk!_ She turned towards the other end of the abandoned village. Zuko turned away from her and began collecting his own small pile of firewood, trying not to pay too much attention to that foreign woman.

-x-x-x-

_Yes... that's quite comfortable... almost cosy. Hey I've found the luxury suite! Including a roof and a fire-place with a cooking pot! Yes, I think we'll take that room._ It seemed as if Sureen had finally found the suitable accommodation for the night she was looking for in the abandoned village. Happy with the room she had chosen, she unpacked their sleeping bags and started preparing some food. Outside dusk was already falling and the rain was pouring down by now. The only remaining sources of light were the chimney fire next to her… and another fire – further away and far less warming. Somewhere in the middle of the empty ghost village. Next to a boy whose world was on fire right now as well. A boy who was once and for all bidding farewell to his uncle, the last family he had left.

Earlier that evening, after having collected enough wood, Sureen helped Zuko to lay Iroh's dead body on top of the woodpile. When he lighted the fire she removed herself silently as she knew her presence was no longer desired at this. Instead she took their luggage – blankets, two sleeping bags, stocks of food, some medicine and all the stuff Aang had given her her before she left – and went about finding a suitable accommodation for the night. As she took a look back after a little while, she saw the Prince standing there motionless, as if he had turned into stone. The only thing she wasn't able see was his face… .

Sureen realized that the rice in the cooking pot standing on the fire was nearly done. While she stirred it, she suddenly heard the sound of steps coming towards her and as she looked up Zuko appeared at the door. He was soaked to the skin, averted his eyes and she could feel that laying his uncle to rest was a heavy burden for the Fire Prince. Thus she tried not to take too much notice of him... as she feared there would be too much pity in her eyes which he surely wouldn't want to see right now.

After a while she realized he was still standing in the doorway - "Hey... don't you... wanna come in? Maybe the fire-place is a little more comfortable than the doorway... and I've cooked some r..."  
"No." The Prince interrupted her unapproachably. "I'm going to bed." Sureen sighed.  
"Alright. I see. But... I'm sorry to tell you that firstly your bed IS right next to the fire-place anyway. Secondly you'll definitely catch a cold or whatever if you're seriously going to bed that soaking wet. And thirdly…" she lowered her voice, "…thirdly you really don't have to, as I know you don't want me to interfere in your affairs. So I'll leave you alone… never fear. But please, you don't have a dry stitch of clothing on – so c'mon, warm yourself at the fire for a while. I've cooked rice and stuff… alright?!" She gave him a questioning look. Zuko returned it with a mixture of confusion, appreciation and distrust. But finally he nodded and followed her to the open fire where he alighted on his sleeping-place with a deep-drawn sigh.

As Sureen handed him a bowl of rice, the Prince grabbed her wrist and looked her in the eye, talking to her in a low growl. "But you'll abide by that decision, got that?! You'll leave me alone!? I've ALWAYS had to look after myself the last years, no matter what – thus I can't just… I mean… I just…" he cut off in mid-sentence and took his bowl of rice with shaking hands.  
"I know… never mind." Sureen replied soothingly, turned around and went back to her sleeping bag. "Just one more thing." She added after having some bites of rice. "It's not my intention to do this against your will. If you really prefer doing this on your own and going on alone... then do so. Then we'll part company tomorrow. I promise."  
He looked up from his bowl for a second, but then kept eating his rice without any further reaction.

While finishing her bowl of rice, Sureen caught herself hoping that he wouldn't make her keep that promise...

* * *

_When you try your best but you don't succeed  
When you get what you want but not what you need  
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep  
Stuck in reverse_

_And the tears come streaming down your face  
When you lose something you can't replace  
When you love someone but it goes to waste  
Could it be worse?_

_Lights will guide you home  
And ignite your bones  
And I will try... to fix you._

_[COLDPLAY - FIX YOU]  
_

_LINK TO THIS SONG:  
www. tape. tv/ musikvideos/ Coldplay/ Fix- You  
[copy+paste - remove blanks - enter :)!]_

* * *

-x-x-x-_  
_

**A/N: Pheeeewwww... so... what do you think?! Positive reviews are welcome, flames aren't a problem either! I mean... "Alright then. Here I am. Go ahead and kill me if you want to." :P But I think you won't. Zuko didn't do it either ;). And if necessary I'm sure I'll find a wall somewhere. :)**

**I hope I will add a new chapter to this maybe about every second week ok...?**


	2. Distrust

**A/N: So... after having some beta-issues... chapter 2 is finally ready for being published! :) :) :)  
Special thanks to xxTigerAvatarxx for taking up the slack for my previous beta (who has sort out other things now in the first place)! Such a great job though you've never done this before! :)  
**

**Alright... here it comes... I had so much fun writing this argument-thing between Zuko and Sureen... hehehe :D...**

**-2-**

* * *

**DISTRUST**

* * *

A strange sound woke Sureen up in the middle of the night. The fire beside her was still glowing, so she drew the conclusion that she couldn't have been asleep for long. It took the girl a few minutes to figure out what this sound was and where it was coming from. Upon realizing the fact that the noise was Zuko's suppressed sobbing, she could feel sadness tearing at heart. She noticed that he had finally begun to grasp the fact that Iroh was truly gone... he had lost him. There was no one left in the world to be by his side.

Her heart tensed up. This kind of pain was all-too-familiar to her... although it had been years ago since she had felt it last. But, never the less, her memories had not lost any of their intensity. She deliberated frantically. _... I mean__,__ I can__'__t just go over there and tell him 'Hey__, don't cry, it'll all be okay__...'! He would kill me __or__ he would __be so mortified that he would__ wish __for__ the ground to swallow him up __entirely__. I can__'__t do that. But I can__'__t __sit here and do nothing, either!__ DAMN!_

Finally, she decided to walk over to the fire-place and put another chunk of wood atop the dying embers. At least now he would know that she was awake as well. She sat there for a while, watching the fire become alive again.

"Prince Zuko?" she asked without turning her eyes away from the fire. Though there was no response from her companion, she continued on. "I still owe you an explanation. So if you want me to..."

"You? OWE ME?! You owe me TO BE QUIET!" His harsh words hit her like a stab in the back. "You appear out of nowhere in the blink of an eye and, despite the fact that I attacked you, you insist on helping me with collecting firewood. After all that, you provide me with this accommodation. And what's more – you worry about the fact that I may be catching a cold."  
The angry Prince continued after a moment's pause. "WHY?! Why do you care? I never asked you to do that; your compassion is unnecessary... you're wasting your breath. I'm getting along just fine on my own, as I ALWAYS have! But if you think you can fool me by playing any kind of false games with me, then you've got another thing coming! I saw you traveling with the Avatar... so I know you're on THEIR side! They sent you to spy on me– to find some kind of... weakness or whatever! Don't take me for a fool! Mind your own business instead of bothering me! And another thing..."  
He slightly lifted his head and stared at the fire "... You don't have a clue about ANYTHING!"

Sureen felt her blood boiling in anger. Who did this jerk think he was, talking to her that way? "FINE! So WHAT!? You wanna get an explanation for this or not?! Maybe FIRST listening and THEN forming an opinion on me would be the better sequence!" Her brown eyes were flaring up furiously as she turned her head in his direction. This was not fair! He wasn't right! Ok... maybe he was right with the statement that he hadn't asked her for this. And with the fact that she probably talked too much. Sureen sighed. Well... ok. He WAS right. But there were no "false games" and she definitely was not cheating him!

"I... I'm sorry." His voice interrupted her thoughts. The harsh tone was gone. Instead his voice was hardly more than a whisper by now. Apologies didn't come easily for him. "It's just that... suddenly everything has changed... nothing's like it used to be... I can't tell what's right or wrong anymore." He looked down. "It's been so long... since I've been able to trust someone... without worrying that they would use my weakness against me. I didn't mean to yell at you." He dared to glance up, meeting Sureen's eyes for a second. This time they were kind and knowing and full of understanding. The furious flare was gone.

"It's alright... I mean... you were right... at least in part. You never asked me to do this. So I don't blame you for distrusting me. But seriously... let me tell you I'm standing on NO ONE'S SIDE, that's for sure. Just because I accompanied the Avatar for a while does not mean I'm on his side... it just means I spent some time with him and his friends. But…even if I WAS on their side... obviously I'm HERE now and they're miles away! So tell me how I'm supposed to spy on you right now?! Look... I know this probably doesn't make much sense, but I'm definitely not here to confuse you... or to feel sorry for you... or to cheat you. Honestly. But that's why I would like to explain everything to you... or at least I'd like to try... 'cause I really think I owe you that explanation. Though it's gonna be a quite long story. And sorry I often talk too much. 'Specially when I don't know what else to do... when I've got no better plan... I guess."

After a moment's hesitation she went on. "And when I noticed you were... awake... I thought maybe listening to my story would be... it could take your mind off of... whatever. But it was just an offer. You're free to refuse it." She looked over to him, giving him an encouraging look and a careful smile. "And, just in case you should ever decide to trust me, Prince Zuko... I want you to know that I'll never hurt you by betraying that trust." Sureen added softly.

"When it comes to my life, trusting others has never been the right decision. It always ended... painfully. So why should I ever...?" Zuko took a deep breath. "Anyway. I'll accept your offer. If you would like to give me some insight into... whatever... then go ahead." He averted his eyes again. "And... thank you." he whispered in a scarcely audible voice.

-x-x-x-

"I was twelve. Suddenly, everything changed in my life and nothing would ever be like it used to be. It was a warm summer night and I couldn't sleep, so I decided to get up and take a walk through the woods, up to that hidden glade where Sera used to spend the nights. I figured, since I wasn't able to fall asleep, maybe I could check on her and make sure everything was alright. You know, since that day I secretly freed her from that little stable in my village, she never really left my side. She typically hid out of sight, and only I knew of the places she had deemed "safe enough" for us to meet. She's a black albatross-horse, you know. They're extremely rare animals and therefore... you can sell them for a lot of cash on the market. Unless someone frees them before this can happen... anyway.

As expected, I found Sera on her glade, grazing peacefully, and the sight of her so free was so wonderful to me that I stayed to watch her awhile. But after some time she suddenly tensed up. Every now and then she would lift her head hectically, with her ears pricked, and look in the direction of my village. Suddenly, she rushed off, disappearing in the woods. At first I was confused and unnerved at her abrupt discomfort... But, then, I felt it, too. Something was happening in the village. Something was just going horribly wrong down there! So I ran back through the woods as quick as I could. I could already see the flames before I was half way there. The whole village... the home of my family, my tribe... the place where I grew up... everything was ablaze. It was like... my entire past burned to ashes that day." Sureen took a deep breath.

"As I got closer I could see my people**...** And the Fire Nation troops. They had captured everyone. My heart was in my mouth. I watched the Fire Nation soldiers walking them off, forcing everyone to come with them. And I did... NOTHING. I stood behind that tree as though I was completely frozen... unable to move, unable to think, unable to do anything. And then... they were gone. I had let them go... didn't even try to stop them... I watched them walk away, hiding behind that damn tree and didn't stop them!" Sureen tried to blink back the tears in her eyes but to no avail. She bit her lip.

"Sureen..." Zuko's voice was full of shock.

"No. It's alright... I'm fine. I told you I owe you. So I won't back down now. I'll let you know... what you need to know. No worries." Sureen attempted a smile. _The first time he called my name..._ she realized at the back of her mind.

"Some days later, I found out that my people were dead. They had been executed because they had refused to cooperate with the Fire Nation. My people have... well, HAD... an extraordinary ability: special powers of perception. That's why we had to keep our identity a secret... to make sure that in these times of war no one could ever use our special abilities as a 'tool' or something equally horrible. That's why we lived in that hidden village deep in the woods. But, obviously, the Fire Nation found out about us and our secret somehow and came to collect us; however, my people were not willing to act as a tool for the Fire Nation. And so, they were killed. And I just watched them being taken away like the coward I was. I didn't do anything. The only reason why I'm still alive is because I hid behind that damn tree, completely paralyzed. I should have done something... anything... but I didn't... I didn't even try..."

Sureen hid her face behind her hands and choke back harsh sobbing. Tears were streaming down her cheeks by now. Damn. She hadn't expected these memories to affect her that deeply... even after such a long time. But the pain still felt exactly the same as it had at that very moment. Even though it had been more than ten years ago now.

"But there was nothing you could have done back then. You couldn't have changed it anyway!"

"Yes... I know that now. I'm sorry. I didn't want to... didn't mean to... whatever. I'm ok." Sureen wiped the tears away from her face with her sleeve, glad to hear Zuko's comforting words.

"Uhmm... may I... ask you something?" The Prince asked hesitantly.

"Sure." Sureen was regaining her composure.

"How did you go on... after losing them?"

"I... actually I can't even remember. In my mind it just feels like... one single dark weird vortex thing. I just kind of... ran away. I don't know if I found Sera or she found me... but she carried me away from that place in the woods and took me somewhere else. I don't know how I actually survived those days... weeks... no idea. All I can remember is only being able to think one thought back then: that everything was MY fault… I had let them down, I had betrayed them, I was the one to blame, I was responsible for their deaths and everything else. It wasn't long before I came to the conclusion that I didn't have any right to be alive. I didn't deserve to live when so many had died.

Finally... I..." she couldn't speak on. Instead she looked down on her wrists.

Slowly she rucked up her sleeves, revealing those two ugly scars. With eyes cast down she turned her wrists in Zuko's direction. For whatever emotion was in his eyes now - she knew she wouldn't be able to stand it.

"Well..." Sureen cleared her throat. "That's why... that's the reason... for this. Why I couldn't leave. Why I wanted to come back to you. Why I think it's not a good idea to deal with losing someone you love all by yourself. I mean... of course you aren't me... I know I cannot judge you by my own standards. But I kind of... did. So maybe I was wrong to make that decision. But at least now you know my reasons. No false games, no cheating... ok?" She brushed a strand of dark brown hair out of her face and raised her eyes.

He looked back at her with a shocked expression on his face. "I... I didn't know... I had no idea that..." he stumbled.

"Of course not. I mean... how could you?! It is not exactly tattooed on my forehead or something." A faint smile flashed over Sureen's face. She was almost feeling sorry for him being that shocked about her story. "Hey... I'm sorry for being that... emotional. I hadn't expected this to affect me so much either. It happened ages ago, after all. But obviously... never the less, it's still... whatever. I didn't mean to shock you though." Again she gave him a smile.

"Ok. Uhm... listen... I'm sorry for what my nation's soldiers did to you and your people." He replied gloomily.

"Hey... you couldn't help it. I guess you still were a little child back then. You probably didn't even know about it. So you're definitely not responsible for that... not personally, anyway. But thanks." Instinctively Sureen reached out to touch his shoulder to show him her appreciation. But before she could reach it, Zuko shied away from her. _Oops... evidently not a good idea.  
_For a while, Sureen and Zuko both stared at the chimney-fire in aberration.

"Um... one more thing." The Prince interrupted the silence.

"Yeah... what is it?" Sureen perked her eyebrows up.

"You mentioned some extraordinary... powers of perception... or whatever... of your people. What did you mean by that? Do you also have these... skills?" The Prince wanted to know.

"Oh... well... yes... uhmmm... I do have them. But I... I can't tell you anything about that. I mustn't. I'm supposed to keep that secret. I'm sorry."

"Great. How am I supposed to trust you then?! Because apparently it's your intention to keep secrets from me!?" Angry, he folded his arms.

"My intention is WHAT?!" Sureen stared at him in disbelief. "C'mon... how am I supposed to trust YOU if tomorrow you'll possibly decide to take a path different from me!? Maybe I've already told you way too much! You've been the FIRST person who EVER got to know about what happened to my people and to me back then. I've NEVER told this to anyone before! So don't you complain about ME being secretive! Honestly. Jokester!"

"Hm..." Zuko had no answer to that. He wasn't used to someone being that uninhibited by his statements. After all he still was the Prince of the Fire Nation and that woman was just some peasant. How could she dare to contradict him like that?! But on the other hand... at least she didn't seem to be one of those apple-polishers who pretended to be loyal to him during his presence but took his name in vain as soon as he turned his back on them. At least she had the courage to say her true opinion to his face and wasn't fearful of his reaction.

Sureen shook her head and went on. "Look... this is my people's carefully guarded secret. I was raised to never ever reveal it to anyone. And now that my people are gone... those rules and principles are the only thing I still have. It's only thing that's left of them. Thus I'm trying to live up to their legacy. So it's got nothing to do with YOU. Really. I would tell this to no one. Not to Aang, nor to the Firelord, nor to anyone else..."

"The Avatar doesn't know about this secret either?" The Prince asked doubtingly.

"Nope. No one means NO ONE. So please don't take it personally... Prince 'Sorehead' ...!" She couldn't choke back her bemused grin as she watched Zuko sitting there in a huff. "Hey... Zuko... c'mon... if you've got any brains in there, you'll figure it out. My skills... I mean. You'll discover it on your own sooner or later. But don't be mad at me any longer... alright?!"

"Hm." At least his voice was a little less sulky by now.

"Right. And now I think we should really try to get some sleep..." Sureen stifled a yawn. Just as she was about to go over to her sleeping bag, she heard Zuko's voice behind her back.

"Wait. I... um... wanna thank you. For letting me know... all those things. And forget the last bit... about you being secretive." He looked down in embarrassment.

"Already forgotten." She replied with a soft voice. "Good night then." Sureen gave him one last faint smile, turned around and went back to her sleeping-place.

* * *

_When the lights go down  
At the end of the day  
With this game that I play  
Has gone another round  
As I lay there alone in this big empty bed  
Nothing but thoughts of you in my head  
I think of the things that I wish I had said  
When you were still around_

_When the lights go down_  
_There's nothing left to be_  
_When the lights go down_  
_And the truth is all you see_  
_And I wonder if all my life's about_  
_The sum of all my fears and all my doubts_  
_Yeah, when the lights go down_

_When the lights go down_  
_When there's nothing left to be_  
_When the lights go down_  
_And the truth is all you see_  
_When you feel that hole inside your soul_  
_Wonder what you're made of_  
_Well we all find out_  
_When the lights go down._

_[FAITH HILL - WHEN THE LIGHTS GO DOWN]_

_LINK TO THIS SONG:  
w w w . youtube. c o m . watch?v= fnlPYCf0r5Q  
[copy+paste - remove blanks - enter :)!]_

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-x-x-x-

**... And of course once again I'm interested in your opinion! I'm looking forward to reading any kind of reviews! :)**


	3. World on fire

**A/N: Hey there, soooorrrrrrrryyyyyy for the delay :-S! But first my beta was on holiday, then me... and then some other stuff... yeah... but finally I got it done :)! This time, things are getting a little thrilling (or at least that was my intention ;)!) - so ENJOY!**

**-3-**

* * *

**WORLD ON FIRE**

* * *

„Zuko!?" Sureen awoke with a start by shouting his name… as she could already feel when she was still asleep that the prince wasn't there anymore. Great. He was gone. Instead of telling her he wanted HER to leave... he had left before she had even woken up! _Oh no... please NO!_

As she looked around she saw his empty sleeping bag.. but with relief she also realized that his luggage was still there. His backpack as well as... some scroll and a small package!? _No... that's no concern of mine, these are his personal things. I won't look. It's none of my business. But that means he's still around! Pheeeww... thank God!_ That took a load off Sureen's mind.  
Dozily she stepped through the front door, where she stretched and glanced around to look for Zuko. After a while she saw him walking along the road and coming towards her. But what was all that stuff he was carrying? When she looked closer she noticed that he was building up fresh water stocks – apparently he had found a creek or a river somewhere near the village. Furthermore he carried a bag filled to the brim with something she couldn't see clearly.

"Um… hello? Good morning?!" Confusedly Sureen stared at the prince as he walked through the door and passed her without paying the slightest bit of attention to her. "Did you have breakfast yet? 'Cause I didn't and…"

"Breakfast?" he answered moodily, "… here!" He took an apple out of the brimming bag and thrust it into her hand quickly. "Now c'mon and pack your bags. We have to leave."

_'We'!_ Sureen caught her breath - _Yaaay that was a 'we', Zuko just said 'WE', which means him and ME, I am so luck-yyyy!_ In spite of Zuko's harsh tone, the girl's heart jumped for joy and a smile flashed over her face. Meanwhile, the Fire prince left her standing in the doorway and began packing his things.

With a shrug, Sureen took a bite into her breakfast apple. "Well, but… why are you in such a hurry now? …And where do you wanna go anyway?" She asked with her mouth full, though she could already anticipate his reasons. She distinctly sensed his tension and his wish to leave this place. Or, actually, it wasn't exactly this place he needed to escape from... he just wanted to flee from this situation, from his thoughts, from… everything.

"No idea. Just get away from here." Zuko replied hoarsely, "The Fire Nation is after us… um… after ME – just in case you've forgotten about that! And, furthermore, nothing's keeping me here any longer." Hurriedly, he continued packing.  
Sureen sighed. With her apple between her teeth she followed his lead. She was all too familiar with the need to escape from it all.

Loaded with their sleeping bags and stocks of food, they finally set off. Zuko's inner tension was steadily increasing. By now, something inside of him was protesting against his initial intention to escape. Wasn't it like... he had constantly been escaping from the day it became clear that the Fire Nation was after him?! He had been a fugitive ever since. And after having left even his uncle... he felt as if he had been running from him as well.

While approaching the big ash heap that remained of Iroh's cremation, even Sureen realized the slow change of Zuko's mood from flight instinct to aggression. With every step closer to that heap he seemed to get closer to the urge to... strike back. In a way. Sureen couldn't pinpoint it.

As they had just passed the heap, the prince suddenly stopped, turned around and stared at it blankly. Then, he pulled something out of his belt, flung it on the ground and squashed it with his heel. Sureen recognized it as the scroll that had been lying on his sleeping-bag this morning.

The Fire Nation... his father... the Avatar... his uncle... WHY couldn't ANY decision ever be easy in his life!

"No. This is the limit. Once and for all." Zuko mumbled soundlessly. The eerie blank stare hadn't left his eyes. The girl noticed that he was finally succumbing to his violent rage by speaking the words aloud. Although his voice had hardly been above a whisper, it had been so full of anger that it had made Sureen's chest tighten. She could almost feel him trembling with rage, clenching his fists and his teeth and tensing up with every single muscle in his body.

And then, finally, it just burst out of him.

He began shooting fireballs towards the remains of the scroll and, a moment later, towards the ash heap. The flames shooting out of his hands were that tremendous that they also torched the nearby buildings.  
"I don't want to deal with this any longer!" Furiously, Zuko blasted fire in every direction now, until all the buildings and ruins around them were engulfed in flames. Sureen was not quite sure about the actual trigger of his fierce reaction. She just felt that suddenly he kind of wasn't himself anymore. He was losing his self-control.

Blindly steered by his rage, the prince kept on firing all over the destroyed village and burned down everything that got in his way. Only with great difficulty Sureen could manage to stay close behind Zuko's back, avoiding his attacks and blasts of fire by the skin of her teeth.

"ZUKO! Come to your senses! You can't get rid of anything like that! This won't help! Calm down!" But her voice couldn't get through to him at all. He was in some far off state... beyond reach.

"I won't let my life torment me any longer! I don't want to have anything to do with all of that! Never, ever again!" Zuko screamed while he still kept shooting fireballs all over the place. Beads of sweat had formed on his forehead by now and he was breathing heavily because of the tremendous effort, but even his exhaustion could not stop the enraged Fire prince. Finally, the whole village was ablaze… except one single building that stood slightly away from the other houses. It was a great deal bigger and somehow… alarming. It didn't have any windows, thus it couldn't have been a residential house. It seemed to be some kind of storage facility. An uneasy feeling arose in Sureen and got stronger and stronger the longer she stared at that strange building. Something wasn't right.

The moment it finally hit her, it was already too late.

"ZUKO! NO! Whatever you do, don't hit tha-!" _Damn._

She was abruptly cut off as a large blast of fire shot from Zuko's palm and headed straight for the building. Sureen watched with wide eyes and moved back a ways, fearing the worst. As though her world was suddenly thrown into slow-motion, she perceived the tremendous explosion that was sparked immediately as the flames made contact with the roof and watched helplessly as the explosion came hurtling, mercilessly, towards her.  
The last thing Sureen observed was the enormous blast wave that hit her hard and swept her away… before everything around her became black.

-x-x-x-

_Ouuuch… my legs… my back… my HEAD! And where is…_ "ZUKO?!" For the second time on this day Sureen awoke with a start by shouting his name – but this time her anxiety was far deeper than it had been some hours ago. She wanted to jump up immediately and look for him… but she found she was unable to do so. Her aching body prohibited her from moving too quickly and forced her to struggle to her feet slowly. When she could see clearly again she started scanning the whole meadow around her… and finally she saw him. He was lying in the grass some meters in front of her, completely motionless. Although she was hardly able to stand, she stumbled towards him as fast as her legs would carry her.

The first emotions to surface in Zuko's mind were pure horror and awful panic – what had he done? This hadn't been his intention, so… how could this have happened? What the hell had gotten into him?! He had grown so sick of all the confusion and despair in his mind… but it just didn't disappear. Since his uncle's cremation it kept terrifying him, no matter how hard he tried to get his mind off things. It drove him crazy! Would it ever stop?  
He tried to sit up but failed in the attempt as acute pain flashed through his ribcage… _Great! Had it coming to me…!_ He needed several tries before he finally managed to straighten himself up. Just as he righted himself, he heard the sound of somebody flopping down in the grass right beside him.

"Zuko... are you all right?" Sureen asked in an exhausted voice. Instead of answering, he averted his gaze guiltily –

"I... I didn't mean to do that… I don't know what's going on with me…!" He hugged his legs tight to him and pressed his face to his knees as if he couldn't bare to see what had just happened… as he knew quite well that he was to blame for all this destruction around them.

After just sitting next to the devastated prince for a while, Sureen replied in soft-spoken words, "I guess you DO know what's going on with you… you just have to look at this…" she pointed at the village that was still wrapped in flames. "…looks like what's in front of us amounts to the same thing like what's inside of you." Without lifting his head, Zuko just shrugged his shoulders.

"Seems like my fa... the Firelord has recently sent a scroll to my attention. It served to inform me that..." he breathed a deep sigh before he went on. "... that he is sorely disappointed as my mission to capture the Avatar has still led to no success since the day of my banishment. Therefore he additionally commissioned my sister with this mission." The prince laughed cynically. "As a consequence he hopes that his measure will increase my efforts to do whatever is necessary to redeem my honor."

"Stop. Wait a sec. You've been... banished? And the only way to change this back is to capture THE AVATAR?! But why...? I mean... did you commit some crime or whatever... in order to get such a harsh punishment... by your own FATHER!?" Sureen looked at him in disbelief. As she realized that Zuko wasn't willing to answer that question, she kept on.

"And that girl... yesterday... was that your SISTER?!" Without looking up, Zuko nodded indiscernibly. "But... how could she do that? I mean... she didn't even feel sorry... not at all... it was the exact opposite! She had a sneer on her face when she...! DAMN! He was HER uncle as well, how could she just...!?" Bewilderedly Sureen shook her head. "Oh dear... wow... I think I kind of prefer having no family left at all... instead of having THIS family. Um... I mean... don't get me wrong. But that's just... so cruel...!"  
Sympathetically she reached out in his direction but pulled back her hand just right before it touched his shoulder. _Just in time…_, she scolded herself, remembering the last time she tried to do that.

Meanwhile, the prince just ignored her comments. At the back of his mind he knew she was right and that her questions and remarks were justified... _but not just yet!_ Instead he went on.

"I found that scroll in my uncle's luggage. Seems like he was hiding it from he. I guess he wanted to spare me from its content." After a moment's hesitation Zuko added, "Besides the scroll, I found... this..." he pulled something out of his pocket. It was a bracelet, made of small threaded stones with engraved symbols. "It was wrapped up in a letter by my uncle, addressed to me. He wrote that he originally got the bracelet made for his son. But he never got the opportunity to make him a present of it, since Lu Ten fell in a battle before he could hand it to him. But my uncle finally decided..." he tried hard to swallow the lump in his throat, before he went on.

"... he decided that I was a worthy receiver for the bracelet... because he felt like I had become another son for him during the last few years." The Fire prince dug his fingers into his knees as he whispered, "And my last words to my uncle some days ago... I mean... the last words I EVER said to him, were... that we no longer had anything to gain by travelling together... and that I prefer finding my own way. Then I left." He dug his nails deeper into his knees and hugged his legs tighter to aid him in choking back his sobs. "And now I'll never ever... I will never get the chance... to..." His voice failed.

With a desperate effort he tried to fight back his tears, but in that moment all the terrifying memories of the last days descended upon him with such a vengeance that it was more than he could handle. Although the Fire prince did not make a sound and his face was still pressed on his knees, his shaking shoulders revealed his uncontrollable sobbing.

The pain Zuko was feeling hit Sureen with the same intensity as the blast wave that came along with the detonation.

"My life's intention has been to torment me ever since I can remember. I am NOT willing to accept that any longer!" he croaked out. Sureen sighed.

"All too often life doesn't ask in advance whether we are willing to accept things or not. It just happens. You know, my people... they had a saying back then: 'Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end'**1)**," she replied in a soothing tone.

"Yeah… maybe that applies to YOUR life… whatever. All I know is you're talking the same way like…" he broke off in mid-sentence. Once again his voice failed.

Finally tears flooded the girl's eyes as well. She struggled for her composure. For the second time she reached out... now without pulling back at the last moment. Instead she came a little closer and put her hand on his back comfortingly. This time the Fire prince kept still.

Suddenly the words his uncle once had addressed to him returned to his mind: 'In your darkest times, hope is something you give yourself. That is the meaning of inner strength.' Was that so? What if... there were even darker times. Without anything left. No hope, no inner strength. What if you couldn't find any of such things within yourself anymore? Couldn't there be another possibility? Like... maybe you could find it elsewhere? Like there was someone at your side who...? He noticed that girl's touch... her warm hand gently resting on his back... and the calm way she was simply sitting close to him. Again he closed his eyes, causing another flood of tears run down his face.  
He felt like the ground had just been pulled away right under his feet and he was floating in the wide open space without knowing where he was or where to go... but it was just like Sureen's touch brought back a tiny bit of the stability he had lost. And deep inside he was so glad about that. Glad about not being forced to handle this on his own. But he would never, ever admit it though. He would never let her get that close. No way.

Meanwhile, Sureen didn't leave his side. _Oh honey if you only knew how close I actually am... in fact. No. You should never know about that. I hope you'll never find out THAT much. It's better this way. I'm always way too close to everyone, that's the problem... and all I can do about it is… not letting it show._ She supressed another sigh.

Whilst sitting next to Zuko in silence, her hand still gently rubbing his back, the bracelet caught the girl's eye again. She picked it up from the ground and took a closer look at it.  
"These symbols engraved on the stones... do you know what they mean?" She asked.

"Yes..." the prince answered tonelessly. "In his letter, my uncle explained that the star in the middle is a symbol for orientation and guidance. It's a guiding star. The symbols on the stones next to the star are ancient Fire Nation letters. It reads 'challenge'. Altogether it means... I shall always find some orientation in my life, no matter which challenges are getting in my way."

Sureen looked at the bracelet with a smile. Without hesitation she grabbed Zuko's wrist, put the bracelet around it and knotted it. She held his wrist a second longer than necessary.

"You'll find a way through this. 'Cause there's ALWAYS a way. Don't give up!"

_'Never give up without a fight'_. The words popped up in his mind immediately. He could clearly vizualize that dagger's blade. A present from his uncle as well. In a hidden manner Zuko wiped his face with his sleeve, before finally straightening his back and looking straight in the girl's eye.

"No. I won't. That's my promise." He was glad that Sureen had just reminded him of this promise though.

Another smile flashed over the girl's face. That statement sounded quite familiar to her.

But only a second later her smile died away. As the prince leaned back he revealed his blood soaked shirt. On closer inspection Sureen detected some kind of big, sharp-edged splinter or shard sticking in his ribcage. Frantically she scanned the rest of his body with her eyes and finally got caught on his left foot. Zuko's boot was frazzled and through the holes she could see blisters and burned skin. The girl could not hide the shocked expression on her face.

"Zuko! My God! Why didn't you say anything about… being injured?!"

* * *

_Hearts are worn in these dark ages_  
_You're not alone in this story's pages_  
_Night has fallen amongst the living and the dying_  
_And I try to hold it in, yeah I try to hold it in_

_World's on fire_  
_It's more than I can handle_  
_Dive into the water_  
_Try to bring my share_  
_Try to bring more_  
_More than I can handle  
Bring it to the table_  
_Bring what I am able_

_I watch the heavens, but I find no calling_  
_Something I can do to change what's coming_  
_Stay close to me while the sky is falling_  
_Don't wanna be left alone, don't wanna be alone_

_[SARAH MCLACHLAN - WORLD'S ON FIRE]_

_LINK TO THIS SONG:  
www. qtom. tv/ sarah_mclachlan-world_on_fire/ ?clpid= m0o0Gwn6BUYYti6PwURO9w  
[copy+paste - remove blanks - enter :)!]_

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-x-x-x-

**1)In real life, this is a quotation by Oscar Wilde. Not by Sureen's people. Just for the record. ;)**

**So?! The review box is right below :)... can't you hear it whispering? "I'm so empty ó.Ô ... please fill me with some comments...!" :)**


	4. Walking in the air

**A/N: So... FINALLY this is chapter four! A real big SORRY for the delay once again... such a certain thing called REAL LIFE is to blame for it I guess ;). Thanks a lot, xxTigerAvatarxx, for beta-ing my funny English ;) though having job interviews and exams and I-dunno-what :)!**

**Well... alright, ladies and gentlemen... this is gonna be fun :)! Or least FOR ME it was! I have to admit, I really enjoyed making fun of Zuko and writing that dialogue... hehehe. ;)**

**So... fasten your seatbelts and get ready for take-off everyone! :o)**

**-4-**

* * *

**WALKING IN THE AIR**

* * *

Zuko was jerked out of his bleak thoughts when he heard Sureen's alarmed voice. As he glanced at his left foot and his upper body he could hardly hide his own dismay. What shocked him most was the steadily growing blood stain on his shirt… he had known before that there must have been some kind of injury – a wound caused by a cut or something – as he could feel the pain with every breath… but he had no idea that it was that bad! But anyway…

"Oh well… that's nothing!" By all means he wanted to prove her wrong… and himself as well… he wasn't the pushover she surely thought he was! Thus he jumped to his feet determinedly… just in order to slump back to the ground only a few seconds later due to the pain that flashed through his body. He had to dig his fingers deep into the grass and clench his teeth to be able to fight against it and to stay conscious.

Sureen denied herself any comment, instead she pondered feverishly on what to do now. No... she knew what to do, as there was only this one option now. She just didn't know... if she could convince her to show up right now. This wide open meadow with a burning village right next to it was not exactly what the albatross-horse would consider as a safe place. Furthermore, Sureen was not even alone. This could get tricky. But she had to try.  
_Sera, girl... I know you're around... I know you don't like that place... but please come over. I know you can see me. Take your time, I have to prepare some things first... no need to hurry girl. But please come over, I need you!_ She sent out her thoughts, knowing they would be heard.  
Afterwards, she concentrated her attention back on Zuko.

"Catch your breath, Prince Zuko. I think I've got an idea. But I'm not quite sure if it'll work... but I hope so... we'll see. But first things first. Hopefully, I can find our luggage again... I mean... hopefully, our luggage is still existing! 'Cause otherwise the medicine I had with me is no longer existing either. So let's see... I won't be long!"

With these words Sureen turned her back on Zuko who was still convulsing in pain. She knew it was better to give him the opportunity to be alone and to have no one watching him right now.  
Luckily, their luggage was still there, but it was scattered all over the place. It took her a while to collect their sleeping bags, their stocks of food, and all the other stuff they had with them. After a while, Sureen also found the wooden medicine box - fortunately still locked and undamaged. Finally, she returned to Zuko with all their luggage.

"Ok, so much for that! But now I need to know – where did you get the water from that you brought this morning? I mean… that means there must be a river… somewhere… around here, right!?"

"Um… yes… there's a river…" the Prince replied in a strained voice while he was looking around carefully, trying to move nothing else but his head, "… right over there… behind that… row of trees."

"Ok then, that's not too far actually. I think we'll make it. You need clean water to cool your burned foot and to clean your injuries. While you're doing so I'll be going back once again to get our luggage. Yes. But one step at a time."

"Wait, what…?!" before the Prince could finish the sentence, Sureen crouched down on his left, put her right arm around his waist and put his left arm around her neck**.**

"No questions, just listen. Draw up your knees now, shift all your weight to your right and then only use your right foot to push off the ground… on three – one… two… THREE!" Deliberately she left him with no other option but to follow her instructions. She arose and pulled him up at the same time.  
For a moment Zuko was all of a dither… although he had no clue about Sureen's "idea" and all that stuff she was talking, he was sort of relieved that she acted that resolutely now. Even before he knew what was happening, he was on his feet again. Although... that also meant that the earlier pain returned to him almost immediately, and took his breath away. Sureen kept absolutely still until she felt he was better again.

"Relax. It's gonna ease in a sec. And the river's just over there!"  
All out of breath, they finally reached the stream and settled on the ground near the bank.

"I think you'll need THIS now…" she unsheathed her knife, "… to get rid of your boot… or rather what remained of it. After that, you have to clean those burns thoroughly with lots of water and cool your foot in the river. Don't take it out of the water 'till it feels like it's freezing, alright?! Meanwhile, I'm going to run and get our luggage. I'll be right back."  
Zuko nodded and took Sureen's knife. How in the world could somebody just talk that much all the time without interruption!? But at least that kept his mind busy and spared him from thinking about other things. He wondered if she did that on purpose. But how could she? As it would require that she knew... a lot... and how could she know about those things? Impossible.  
The Prince gazed after her as she walked away. He waited until she was a fair way off before he began to, hesitatingly, slit his boot.

-x-x-x-

"Well… that's it! Or at least that's all I can do right now…" Sureen stepped back to scrutinize the bandage she had just applied to Zuko's upper body, "…but we can't leave it like that for a long time. I have to remove that shard from your ribcage as soon as possible and make sure to staunch the bleeding afterwards. To do so I need several things... such as a fire. So I definitely won't be able to do anything until we've reached our sleeping accommodation for tonight."

"You think you're funny, do you?! It's quite obvious that we won't get ANYWHERE… with me… like this!" with a mixture of huff and despair he stared at his left foot.

"No, I'm sure we will...!"

"Oh stop kidding me!"

"And YOU maybe just stop talking now and wait a sec, OK… 'cause otherwise she'll NEVER come out!"

_'She?'_ the Prince thought confusedly but decided to better be quiet now.

In the meantime, Sureen scanned both banks of the river – "Alright girl, I know you're around... so come here now!" After a moment's hesitation they heard a rustling in the trees on the opposite riverbank and a second later a graceful black horse emerged… no… a black WINGED horse! Zuko was stunned. Never before he had seen an albatross-horse… nevertheless a BLACK one!

"Agni… what's… THAT?"

"Oh well… First, I would say this is your means of transport for today… and, second, it's quite obviously an albatross-horse. So… may I introduce you to Sera!"

The albatross-horse spread its wings, took a light-footed leap over the river and landed next to the shocked Fire Nation Prince who tried his best to back away but could hardly made any headway because of his foot. Sureen came over to welcome her friend and put herself right in between the albatross-horse and Zuko, as it was easy for her to see that sitting so close to the creature made him feel really uncomfortable.

Although Sera hadn't shown up for quite a while, Sureen had felt her presence the entire time… as always… but, nevertheless, she was overjoyed to have "her" albatross-horse in the flesh again. "Hey girl, there you are. How are you doing? You've already noticed our visitor right? But don't be afraid... he won't capture you and he won't bite..." Sureen lowered her voice, "... it's more like we'll have to show him that YOU won't bite HIM. So if you don't mind,..." the girl didn't need any words to let Sera know that she wanted her to kneel down.

Sureen turned back to Zuko: "Well, don't be too impressed... I mean... after all she's just my little pony you know."Upon saying that, the girl heard a indignant snort close behind her. "What?" She looked over to the albatross-horse that was now lying right next to them. "... Not my little pony? My BIG pony, then?! Alright... you're a big pony!" She smiled and tickled Sera's forehead.

Zuko looked at them in amazement. But only a moment later the reluctant look came back to his eyes – "Oh c'mon… you're NOT serious about that, are you?! You don't honestly expect me to ride that... that THING, do you?" Sera gave a protesting snort, fair in the face of the offensive stranger before her.

Sureen shrugged her shoulders. "Well... if you prefer walking for the rest of the day... or if you can see any other alternatives...!" She looked around, pretending to scan their surroundings. While doing so, Zuko's bag filled with apples caught her eye and gave her an idea. Quickly she went over to their luggage and came back with an apple. "But I know that the THING can surely get appeased with THIS…" with a grin she showed him the apple. "You have to stretch out your hand… like this… and then place the apple at... the… top… SERA!" Sureen tried to avoid Sera's nose that had already noticed the apple and chased after it now. "Here you are!" She thrusted the apple into his hand – like Zuko had just done to her this morning.

The Prince just stared at the apple… then at Sureen… and again at the apple… and then at Sera. With his arm completely stretched out, he finally presented her the apple. Meanwhile, Sureen had to choke back her laughter, as she knew that her albatross-horse was the most harmless creature in the world. Sera, herself, just didn't care about all those things. Indifferently, she took the apple with her teeth in a very gentle way and then smacked her lips contentedly when the apple was no more… while Zuko seemed to be really glad that he was still alive and Sureen was struggling with a laughing fit.

But she tried to calm down again as quickly as possible – before Zuko became aware of her making fun of him. "Alright then… dusk is already falling now and we should really try to find an accommodation for tonight before it's completely dark. So, Prince Zuko, would you please...!" With her head she pointed at Sera.

"Um... will she... FLY?!" The Prince asked carefully.

Sureen quirked an eyebrow - he wasn't seriously asking that, was he?! "No. She's going to dig a tunnel into the ground and burrow us to safety..." amusedly, Sureen noticed the shocked expression on Zuko's face. "In fact, she's a bewitched mole pony you know. The wings are just for show...! C'mon, Zuko... of course she'll fly."

"STOP MAKIN' FUN OF ME! This creature also has LEGS, you know!" The Prince replied, hotly.

"Um... yes. Well spotted. But have you ever seen a bird walking a long distance just because it has LEGS?! Zuko... I don't want to treat you like some common idiot. It's just... flying is her natural way of getting from one place to another. And it's much less exhausting for her than walking... 'specially now that she has to carry the both of us and our luggage as well. Besides that, she's much faster when she flies!"

_Yes. That's __EXACTLY __the problem._ Zuko sighed. But it seemed as though there really was no other possibility. He threw one last skeptical glance at the black albatross-horse which lay beside him, and finally gave in to his reluctant hesitation. With an uneasy feeling, he finally mounted its back and waited for Sureen to take a seat behind him.

As the winged horse jumped on its feet, full of verve, the Prince tensed up. He realized that he was not in control of the whole situation… not at all. Besides that, Sera's sudden movement made him groan in agony, as he could feel that shard boring into his ribcage. He knew he was injured quite badly. He felt himself constantly getting weaker due to the loss of blood and had no idea long he would still be capable of sitting up straight. And losing this capability would be tantamount to just slipping off this creature's back... while they were miles above the ground! And, on top of that, the sun was just setting – which meant that even the source of his firebending power would be disappearing shortly. Thus he was at the mercy of some weird animal he hadn't even seen before! He couldn't even describe how much he hated that feeling.  
But, as there were no other options and Zuko didn't really want to embarrass himself any further, he held his tongue and adjusted his position on the creatures back. _The Prince of the Fire Nation is afraid of riding an albatross-horse. Sure. How would THAT come across?! Totally ridiculous__!  
_It appeared there was absolutely no possibility of getting out of this.

"Relax. You won't fall off. Sera will take care of you... and I will do so as well. You're safe." Sureen bent a little forward to make sure Zuko could hear her words that were hardly above a whisper. His eyes opened wide and his heart missed a beat - _What the...!? HOW can she know what I've just... ?!_

Sureen hastened to continue. "I'm sorry for making jokes about this whole situation. I'm aware of the fact that a black albatross-horse might seem quite… impressive if someone has never seen such an animal before. But honestly, Sera's the most reliable soul in the whole world. She won't hurt you. I promise." She offered him a small smile. "Alright then… ready? Hold on tight!"

Zuko wasn't given the time to ask himself any further questions about what Sureen had just revealed. Instead he did as he was told – just in time, as suddenly the winged horse started moving forward… without any visible _-If any, at all!-_ instructions by Sureen. He swallowed hard. He tried to believe what this woman had just told him... but trusting others was so difficult for him and he just couldn't stop worrying. In the meantime, Sera broke into a light-footed galopp, crossing the meadow… before she finally spread her wings and soared into the air!

The Prince couldn't help but closing his eyes and holding his breath.  
At the same moment, he felt Sureen putting her arm around him. "You're safe, no worries."

-x-x-x-

Sureen had never seen her albatross-horse fly so carefully. The way Sera was floating through the air was so soft and gentle and her wings were moving in such a constant and calm rhythm that her back was hardly moving at all - even though, in reality, they were rushing through the night sky as fast as lightning. The albatross-horse seemed to be fully aware of the vulnerable load it was carrying.  
Sureen glanced down. She saw the mountains below her feet in the moonlight as they flew by them, causing their snow-laden tips to dissolve into a white blur. From this distance the world looked so peaceful - it was hard to believe that, in fact, there was a war going on down there. She felt the airstream in her face and closed her eyes.

THIS was her definition of freedom! No matter how war-torn the world down below would ever be - it was a different world up here. It was the only place where she really was at peace with herself.

Unfortunately, her companion didn't appear to share that feeling. She noticed Zuko's harried breathing and his racing heart... and the way he clung to Sera's mane. So what else could she do for him... than keeping him busy by telling him... just something, anything, whatever...!?  
So she decided to tell him Sera's story, as that was the only thing that came to her mind right now.

"You know, it's actually quite astonishing that she decided to stay with me... Sera, I mean...and that we became such good friends. You certainly wouldn't have expected that if you had seen the first time we both met. Or, actually, it was more like my face came close to meeting her teeth. I was such a curious child and so I was dying to see the little albatross-horse filly everyone was talking about. It had been captured by our warriors after they had found it lying next to its dead mother. So they brought it home to our village, where they locked it in a stable… as they didn't know what else to do with that little guy. But that filly was anything but cute at the beginning and we were anything but friends.

"One day, after secretly sneaking over to her stable - since the children were forbidden to go anywhere near her - I unsuspectingly put my head over the wooden door but then pulled back only a second later to save my nose from Sera's teeth. Damn, that was so scary... my knees where shaking and my heart was in my boots after that. But nevertheless... something kept me staying in front of her barn. I wanted to find out what was wrong with that little colt and why it was so angry.

"After that day, I spent almost every evening sitting on the floor right in front of her stable, trying to find out what was going on in her mind. Finally, I guess I actually began saw through her. I realized that she could never be happy locked inside that dark barn without being able to fly around or even move. And she missed her mom. From her point of view, it must have seemed like my people had taken away everything she needed the most – her mother and her freedom. That was why she was that aggressive towards everyone."

Upon saying this, the girl could feel a deep-drawn sigh escaping Zuko's lungs. Sureen noticed an uncomfortable 'Something'... a distant memory, like a lugubrious shadow, seemed to rise inside him. It was hard to grasp. Hurriedly, she continued.

"And so, I decided to set her free... although I knew I'd miss her a lot. You know, in the meantime we had become quite good friends as we got to know each other a little better. But I knew she just couldn't live like that any longer. Finding an opportunity when no one else was around wasn't a big deal and so I just tiptoed to her stable one night and opened the door. I never thought that watching her spread her wings and finally fly away would be so difficult. But at the same time it felt relieving to know that she finally had her freedom back. And I didn't have to miss her for very long… as she came back on her own a few days later! She only showed up when I was on my own – as she wanted to make sure that she would never ever get capt..ured..."

Suddenly, Sureen felt the tension in Zuko's body disappear. She watched the fingers, which had tangled themselves in Sera's mane, begin to relax and slip down the mare's neck. He had either fallen asleep or had lost consciousness. _Oh dear__,__ I knew I would talk you into the ground sooner or later... and now I did that even though the ground is miles away._ _Great._

Sureen sighed and took hold of his lifeless body. Just like she had told him when they had left the river, she would not let him fall off. After sitting in silence for a few minutes, she realized with relief that Sera was preparing for landing – the mountains beneath her feet growing closer and closer.

"Prince Zuko!" Sureen whispered urgently in his ear. When she felt no reaction to that, she grabbed him by his shoulders and shook them carefully. "Zuko! I'm sorry for waking you, but I need your attention now. We're landing! Pull yourself together just for a few minutes alright? I need you to be awake for this!"

"Hhmm..." Slowly, the Prince regained consciousness. It took him a while to realize where he was and what Sureen had just told him. "... Landing? But where... are we?"

"Seems like Sera has found a suitable place for us. Can you see that mountain with that… seems like a cave or an overhanging rock or something? I think THAT's our accommodation!" But he couldn't see it. He could hardly see anything. His vision was blurred and he tried hard not to pass out again. But at least he would soon be back on firm ground... imagining that was enough to keep him awake.

Finally, they landed right in front of the cave. Sureen jumped off of Sera and immediately assisted her companion with dismounting the albatross-horse. A moment later, he stood next to her, his face contorted with pain. Just in time, Sureen put her arm around his waist as his legs buckled beneath him.

With her free hand, the girl reached for her albatross-horse and tickled its forehead once again. "My big pony... well done! You did such a good job today! You're such a good girl! Now go and get some well-deserved sleep. Good night honey-bunny." She watched Sera disappearing between the trees before she finally turned her head to Zuko. "And you also did such a good job! From now on I will no longer bother you with any weird unknown flying creatures alright?"

She wasn't sure if he was entirely cognitive of the fact that she was even speaking. His eyes appeared to be glazed over and the Prince looked about ready to collapse at any moment. Carefully she pressed her palm on his forehead. _Wow... __that__ temperature doesn't feel healthy. Even for a firebender that's way too hot. It's about time that I'll get this damn shard out. Sorry dear... I fear there's still something lying ahead of you today. But we have to remove this stupid shard-thing, I'm so sorry...!_

* * *

_We're walking in the air  
We're floating in the moonlit sky_  
_The people far below are sleeping as we fly_

_I'm holding very tight  
I'm riding in the midnight blue_  
_I'm finding I can fly so high above with you_

_Far across the wold  
The villages go by like trees_  
_The rivers and the hills, the forests and the streams_

_Children gaze open mouth, taken by surprise_  
_Nobody down below believes their eyes_

_We're surfing in the air  
We're swimming in the frozen sky_  
_We're drifting over icy mountains floating by_

_[NIGHTWISH - WALKING IN THE AIR]_

_LINK TO THIS SONG:  
w w w . youtube . c o m . watch?v = OftPwnCwYTc  
[copy+paste - remove blanks - enter :)!]_

* * *

-x-x-x-

**A/N: And as always - reviews are love! You'll get an apple as a reward! :D (Umm... no... I mean... only think of FRUIT please. Not a Mac or something *lol*...)  
**

**PS: In the original version of this chapter, Sera was a black Pegasus. Considering Magnusrae's review, my Pegasus has just become an "albatross-horse". :)**


	5. Please don't!

**A/N: Phewww... writing this was a tough job. Besides that, ****it required a lot of research.  
And as always a big THANKS to xxTigerAvatarxx, for fixing my chapter while doing 3 part time jobs, 4 exams and still betaing my chapter 5 :D!  
**

******Btw... maybe I should mention that I do not own anything or anyone. Yeah, that's life I guess :P. In the middle paragraph I included parts of book 2, episode 9 (magnusrae - this part is specially for you :)... due to your very first review, I got the idea to add that paragraph to this chapter!). Most of this was NOT my creation - which means, I do not own the content of the according paragraph!  
********Oh well, but I do own Sureen :D. Or maybe she owns me :P...! Oh... AND, additionally, I do own a certain black albatross-horse. How cool is THAT?! :D  
**

**************But anyway, enjoy! :)**

**- 5 -**

* * *

**PLEASE DON'T!**

* * *

Finally, the fire was burning brightly. Sureen knew she had to hurry. And she was scared of what was yet to come. Everything was prepared properly: clean water, enough dressing material... and the purified blade of her knife was placed in the hottest part of the fire in order to sterilize the metal. Zuko's wound had already begun to turn septic. At least there was only one big shard sticking inside of it... and so, that way, pulling the offending object out wouldn't prove to be too difficult. But afterwards, Sureen would have to act quickly and precisely to staunch the wound. The shard was quite long, and removing it would probably result in a heavy, internal bleeding. So there was no margin for error then.

While Sureen braced herself for the procedure, Zuko was seated next to the fire, his back propped against the wall of the cave. He was hardly conscious now. This already was some kind of febrile delirium, the girl realized worriedly. She really had to hurry. Her heart was pounding like mad when she grabbed the shard with two fingers and pulled as strongly as possible. She felt it moving in her direction and finally she got it removed. A moment later, she grabbed for the dressing material and pressed it right on the wound, trying to staunch the flood of blood which was overflowing from the gaping hole in his side. With her other hand, she reached for her knife and took it out of the fire.

Her heart stopped beating and the world stopped turning the second she pressed the flat side of her knife right in the wound. She was ready to share all the pain that flashed through Zuko's body in that very moment... but she was not prepared for THIS.

He had felt this kind of pain before. The smell of his burning flash, the state of shock and pure horror, the feeling of being completely and utterly at somebody's mercy... he already knew it. This had been his punishment. For speaking out against his father. But he never wanted to fight this Agni Kai against HIM. Thus the Firelord made his son feel the consequences of his refusal. _'You will learn respect. And suffering will be your teacher!' _What had happened that day... it hadn't even been the first time his father had punished him. It was just like... the one event that carried matters to an extreme. But even before, the man had never missed any chance to throw everything he could at the Prince, making him feel how insufficient and meaningless he truly was. Eventually, after years of his father relentlessly pounding the belief into Zuko's head, it had become reality to the young Prince. The punishments were frequent and, often, severe... How could he not believe that he was unworthy when his own father continued to tell him so? How could he do this to him... he still was his FATHER after all, wasn't he... so how...?!  
And now everything just repeated. And there was no way out, no way to escape from it. Zuko pressed both hands against his head and his head against the wall behind him, praying for this to stop. He couldn't stand it... not again...

"Please DON'T! You're my FATHER... so WHY... how can you...?! LET ME GO! Just STOP IT!" His past was entirely catching up with him. Never before Sureen had heard him screaming like that. His desperate pleading made her blood freeze in her veins. But regardless of that, she had to keep pressing the scorching-hot metal into his wound. She HAD to. The blade had to remain inside the wound so long until it had staunched the bleeding. She swallowed hard, trying to stop her hand from shaking. _Only a few more seconds... oh my God... time, please pass by! DAMN IT! Please let this be over! RIGHT NOW!_

She held her breath. Tears welled up in her eyes. The seconds until she could remove the blade from the wound seemed to last forever.

FINALLY, she could take it out. Immediately she flung the knife to the ground. Her knees buckled and she slumped down right before the Prince. "Zuko... my God, I'm sorry... I'm so sorry... I had... had no idea... oh damn I-I'm so sor..." She was interrupted by her sobbing. In tears she apologized for what just happened... for what she had just done to him... for being the reason why all these memories came back to him in such a horrific, painful way. But he couldn't hear her anymore - unconsciousness had finally delivered him from his torture.

The big burnscar on the left side of Zuko's face... now she knew. She had gone back to that point in time with him, seeing it all through his eyes. What had happened to him that day and even before. And the one who had done all this was THE FIRELORD! Her heart tensed up and her body started shaking. She had always hated him. For killing her people, for destroying her life, for making every nation suffer. But now... henceforth she hated him from the deepest bottom of her heart and with each single component of her mind and her soul.

Suddenly, everything made sense. Why Zuko was so desperate to capture the Avatar. Why he had been given this "task". Why he was chasing after Aang time and again. For what reason he had to do this and what it meant to him. Why he was just not willing to accept that this was meant to be a curse to keep him banished and restlessly searching the whole world forever. And Zuko's sister... this unscrupulous, ruthless person she had appeared to be... shooting that deadly lightning at their uncle, cold as ice. That girl seemed to be the perfect copy the Firelord then.

And so, being the proud Prince he was, he kept fighting. Over and over. Fighting the very ones who were, in fact, supposed to be the ones supporting him... backing him... supposed to be HIS FAMILY! Vengefully, Sureen clenched her fists. She could hardly feel the tears running down her cheeks.

_NO! DON'T! Stay out of this! Keep your distance! Don't get that close! This did NOT happen to ME, these are not MY memories, it's not MY pain and it's not MY business. I MUST learn to not let such things affect me that easily!_ With a sharp voice inside her mind she scolded herself for still not having learned that lesson.  
So she wiped the tears off her face and looked over to the camp-fire. The medicine tea she had prepared for Zuko should be done by now. It was a special mixture of herbs to fight his high fever. She had to pour sips of it down his throat every hour now. She knew he was in a quite critical state... hopefully he would make it through the next hours. Sureen sighed. But he was a warrior, he really was, he wouldn't give up just like that. He wouldn't die that easily. _No... please don't._ With another deep-drawn sigh she went over to the camp-fire to pour a cup of tea for the Prince.

-x-x-x-

Darkness. Deep, relieving, vacuous, calm darkness. Finally, the terrifying stream of thoughts had come to an end and he was surrounded by nothing but soundless darkness. After the pain had passed by, he couldn't remember for how long his father's face still had haunted him nevertheless. _'You will learn respect... suffering will be your teacher!'... 'I am sorely disappointed... Your mission to capture the Avatar has still led to no success... Therefore I additionally commissioned your dear sister... I hope this measure will increase your efforts... REDEEM YOUR HONOR!'_ Zuko's memories of the day he had been banished and his father's words pushed to the fore and just didn't let go of him.  
But finally, even these memories began to fade away and to dissolve into deep darkness. All the Prince wished for right now was for this darkness to hold on to him and never send him back to the place where his past and his present were real.

But suddenly he heard a voice that was all too familiar to him. It wasn't coming from any direction, it seemed to be surrounding him.

"Are you sure that giving in to the darkness is what you meant by saying you need to find your own way, nephew?"

"Uncle!?" Abruptly the darkness disappeared and Zuko found himself sitting at the river bank where he had been just some hours ago. On the other side of the stream, he saw the distinctive frame of his uncle Iroh, sitting there cross-legged whilst having a cup of jasmine tea.

"Please have a cup of tea with me. You want to find your own way - so we need to talk. Why don't you take a seat." He pointed to the ground right next to him. While doing so, Zuko felt some force of gravity pulling him over the river, straight to the place his uncle had pointed at.

"Uncle... how...? Where are we? What is this all about?! Where is this place?" Zuko was completely baffled.

"That is of no importance." Iroh passed a cup of tea over to his nephew. "But it IS important to draw wisdom from many different places. If we take it from only one place, it becomes rigid and stale. But in order to beat Azula..."

Upon hearing her name, Zuko's eyes flared up furiously. "You can be sure, I'll take vengeance on her for your death, uncle. I promise, I will."

"She's crazy and needs to go down." Iroh nodded. "I would like to teach you a firebending move that even Azula doesn't know! Because I made it up myself. But beforehand... listen carefully." He took a small wooden stick and drew something on the ground. It was the symbol for the element of fire. "Fire is the element of power. The people of the Fire Nation have desire and will. And the energy to try to achieve what they want." He went on with the symbols for earth, air and water. One by one, he drew them in the sand and explained the essential characteristics of each nation to his nephew. But what did that have to do with a certain firebending move?! Zuko just didn't get it.

"Why are you telling me these things? All this four-element-talk is sounding like Avatar-stuff!" Fretfully the Prince folded his arms.

"It is the combination of all four elements in one person that makes the Avatar so powerful. But it can make you more powerful, too! Understanding others, the other elements and the other nations, will help you to become whole. You see, the technique I'm about to teach you is one I learned by studying the waterbenders. Waterbenders let their defense become their offense. Turning their opponents energy against them. I learned the way to do this with lightning." Iroh explained.

"You can teach me to redirect lightning?!" Zuko's face lit up immediately. His uncle nodded. He placed his cup of tea on the ground and got up to demonstrate the technique to his nephew.

"If you let the energy in your own body flow, the lightning will follow it. You must create a pathway from your fingertips, up your arm, to your shoulder, then down into your stomach..." Step by step he explained the way the lightning's energy needed to be guided through the body in order to make it flow out the other arm in the end. The crucial thing at this was not to let the lightning pass through one's heart, where the damage could be deadly.  
Zuko got up as well and followed his uncle's lead to practice the motion. Soon he got a feel for the pathway's flow.

"Now, are you focussing your energy? Can you feel your own chi flowing in - down - up - and out?" Iroh asked while he constantly repeated the sequence of movements.

"I think so." Zuko replied.

"Good. Never forget that feeling. Besides that, now you got your vital energy flowing again. I wish you all the best for finding your own way. There are some important tasks for you to accomplish. Your time is yet to come, my nephew."

The same strange force of gravity that had pulled Zuko to the place next to Iroh suddenly pulled him back, farther and farther away from his uncle.

"Uncle! NO! Wait! There's so much I need to tell you! I found the bracelet and your letter! I am sorry! I didn't mean to... I had no idea...!"

"I know. Don't worry, I know..." Zuko heard Iroh's voice getting lower and lower. In panic he realized that he was caught and pulled down by the river current! He was drowning in the stream that had separated him from his uncle at the beginning of this strange dream! He was swamped! He couldn't breathe anymore! He was drowning! He could feel the water in his mouth! Desperately he struggled for air and coughed up the liquid he had just swallowed...

"Prince Zuko... It's ok, relax... I know this stuff tastes horrible... but you need to drink it! This tea will help to decrease your fever." The river was gone again. And so was his uncle. Instead he heard the voice of... that girl...

"Su...reen...?" Opening his eyes and focusing on his surroundings was so difficult to him. "Why... where... my uncle... where...? Nee...to... tell him..."

"Shhh... what you need right now is a rest. Have another sip of tea and then try to get some sleep, alright?" Sureen slightly lifted his head with her arm and placed the cup right at his mouth. Slowly she instilled the warm liquid between his lips. Zuko did as he was told and took a sip.

"But... where...?"

"Hm? We're in the cave Sera found for us. Remember? Trust me, she's perfect when it comes to finding hideouts. You're safe. Get some sleep now." He flashed Sureen one last grateful glance. Then his eyes closed again. But at least it seemed as if the Prince had overcome his febrile delirium and simply fell asleep deeply and peacefully this time. After watching over him for another while, Sureen concluded with relief that he appeared to be over the worst. So she went over to her sleeping-place to get some sleep herself.

She took a look around and realized that dawn was already breaking. Whatever. She needed at least a few hours of sleep now. Zuko would probably be asleep the whole day anyway... and she had enough trust in Sera to know that this hideout was safe enough for both of them to sleep the day away.

-x-x-x-

The following night, after having spent the day in the cave, looking after Zuko and doing mostly nothing but watching the rain outside, Sureen coiled herself up in her sleeping bag. Unable to get to sleep, she stared into the dying embers of the camp-fire. She just couldn't turn off her thoughts. The pictures of the previous days where still floating around in her head. Still she was deeply shocked about what she had done to Zuko and she felt so sorry...

"You think I'm a total wimp, don't you... I'm sure that's what you think." Suddenly she heard a weak voice behind her, interrupting her line of thought.

_I think... WHAT?!_ Apparently, Prince Zuko had just woken up again! The girl turned around in disbelief and tried to make out his silhouette in the dark, but could hardly see a thing… but anyway. G_eez! Thinking other people's thoughts is MY job and obviously that's really not one of his strong points! He's SO wrong! _Meanwhile, the Prince went on.

"... I mean, since the day we met, I was just like… losing control, going crazy, nearly losing my mind... unable to handle things on my own... and..."

"No. Please... stop that." Sureen cut him off in mid-sentence. "Alright... so you wanna know what I think!? Here you are..."  
She paused a while to collect her thoughts. "There's only so much one can take. That's what I think. And when you constantly have to go further than that... sooner or later that's just what happens. But that applies to everyone. I mean... everyone would react like that. In some way. Honestly, that's just human. And that's not even the point."  
She sighed. This was getting tricky. Disclosing her thoughts about him would include disclosing her... knowledge. Or at least some of it. She was about to reveal the fact that she knew him better than he was aware of. Or at least she would drop some quite unmistakable hints about that. So she had to think her words through. BEFORE actually saying them out loud.

"I can't see any other points." The voice from the dark was little more than a whisper.

"Well... I know. But I can." Sureen replied with a gentle tone. "Look... you're pretty much stuck in this situation, but nevertheless you're steadily fighting to carry on and you never give up. You're so close to breaking point but you keep standing your ground. Because you are looking for a way to get out of this. You refuse to let it drag you down. There are not many people who could act like that. Believe me, I've seen so many places and met so many different people during the last years. Inside your heart you're a true warrior, Prince Zuko... and you deserve to be respected for that. I think you're a real strong person who has lots of courage and the will to persevere, no matter what. And you've got all my appreciation for that. And I definitely do NOT take you for a wimp."

"SHUT UP! Don't tell me that strong-person-shit! Just don't gimme that crap!" The voice snapped at her wrathfully.

"Oh, sorry for bothering you with my crappy TRUE OPINION and with BEING HONEST!" Sureen snapped back at the Prince. "Are you crazy?! I really meant what I've just said! Just because you hate yourself I cannot hate you back. UNFORTUNATELY I can't do you that favor. 'Cause that's just not what I think! OK!?"  
She took a deep breath. _Alright, maybe that was a little over the top. Just a day ago he was quite close to death... and the first thing I do after he finally wakes up again is __bite__ his head off._ "No... I mean... I'm sorry." She lowered her voice again and went on more softly. "Didn't mean to yell at you. But... I really hate when someone accuses me of lying to him, though I know I did NOT."

"I'm not accusing you of lying to me... It's just... I can't believe you... 'cause... I can't. I... I just... can't." The voice replied haltingly.  
Sureen hesitated for a moment, thinking about how to continue. Maybe it really wasn't that easy. He surely had his point of view for a reason. And she couldn't -offhandedly, just like that- tell him the exact opposite of what he had been thinking about himself maybe for years... and then, on top of that, expect that he would believe her from one second to the next.

"Yeah... I see. Alright. That's alright, I guess. I mean... I can't tell you what you're supposed to believe or not. That's up to you. But at least now you know what I think... and honestly, I'm not reckoning you as a wimp. SO NOT. Maybe you could just... kinda note that. Possibly. 'Cause it's not a lie... ok?" She whispered to the darkness.

The darkness remained quiet though. As the minutes passed by in silence, Sureen could feel a fluffy doziness slowly enfolding her, making her eyes close by themselves. Finally she fell asleep. Unknowing how much her words had just affected the Prince.

Why? Why was everything so difficult and so confusing? Although Zuko could think clearly again after what felt like ages to him, it didn't help him to fight the chaos in his mind. His father... this strange dream about his uncle... that woman: Sureen...! He was a nervous wreck and didn't even know where to start being confused.

Although he couldn't pinpoint it, he felt that he had nothing to fear from Sureen. But at the same time, he also knew he wouldn't dare to trust that feeling. Furthermore... the way she had just told him what she thought about him was like... she knew him inside out. On the one hand that seemed so disturbing to him... as she probably was as close to him as no one ever before... although she hadn't even asked him for permission to do that. This had not been his own decision at all. She had done it against his will.

But on the other hand... whatever she had found out about him, it didn't seem to bother her. It was like... quite the opposite.

How could someone know that much about him and still take him for a strong person, for a warrior... and still think that he deserved to be respected?! After all, that was just what she was doing. Although she wasn't afraid to tell him her opinion right to his face and she never avoided any arguments... but that was just kind of... her way of being honest, wasn't it? And it didn't change the fact that she had treated him with respect since the very first moment.

Could this be possible? That someone really knew him... and nevertheless had decided to... like him? Lying awake in the darkness all alone, an unseen tear escaped Zuko's good eye.

* * *

_This is it, boy, this is war - what are we waiting for?_  
_Why don't we break the rules already?_  
_I was never one to believe the hype_  
_Save that for the black and white_  
_I try twice as hard and I'm half as liked_  
_But here they come again to jack my style_

_...  
_

_Well, some nights I wish that this all would end_  
_'Cause I could use some friends for a change_  
_And some nights I'm scared you'll forget me again_  
_Some nights I always win, I always win..._

_But I still wake up, I still see your ghost_  
_Oh Lord, I'm still not sure what I stand for_  
_What do I stand for? What do I stand for?_  
_Most nights I don't know..._

_..._

_When I look into my nephew's eyes...  
Man, you wouldn't believe, the most amazing things, that can come from...  
Some terrible nights..._

_The other night  
You wouldn't believe the dream I just had about you and me_  
_I called you up but we'd both agree  
It's for the best you didn't listen_  
_It's for the best we get our distance..._

_[FUN. - SOME NIGHTS]_

_LINK TO THIS SONG:  
www. myvideo. de/ watch/ 8602018/ Fun_Some_Nights  
__[copy+paste - remove blanks - enter :)!]_  


* * *

-x-x-x-

**A/N: ... *sniffle*... No, I'm NOT crying :P... *sniffle*... but hopefully for you, my dearie readers, this was as emotional as it was for me! So... reviews are welcome, as I'm a curious person. ;)  
**


	6. (Not) Just a drop

**A/N: Ladies and gentlemen, with this chapter we're reaching the finish line of what seems to be part one of this fic :). The sturcture I've made up so far comprises two further parts... at least at the moment. So this, in total, is still far from being over! But it's the end of part one.  
**

**Alright... this one is the longest chapter so far... so... get ready for your final ride from caves to mountain-tops and back... and from thunderstorms to sunshine! :)**

**And SPECIAL THANKS to Ersatz Einstein who helped out with betaing this chapter... acting as replacement for xxTigerAvatarxx who's currently really really busy with other stuff. Man, that was... QUITE _[*LOL*... sry, inside joke :D...]_ intense ;)! But now you can be assured that the following text is betaed like hell. :o)**

**-6-**

* * *

**(NOT) JUST A DROP**

* * *

It felt as if he had been staying in that cave for ages by now. Doing nothing but staring at the walls or at the campfire or sleeping. But despite all that sleep, he couldn't find peace. Constantly, his mind made him repeat the same thoughts over and over again. And there was no distraction.  
As he was still in a quite sickly state, there was not much he could actually DO. Nothing to keep himself busy. Nothing he could do to get his mind off those thoughts that kept haunting him. Memories he thought he had blocked out long ago. He tried to shut out the pictures flashing through his mind again and yet again... but there was no escape.  
_'No matter how things may seem to change, never forget who you are.'... But WHO AM I after all?!  
'Sleep... just like MOTHER!' Azula always lies. Azula ALWAYS lies...  
__'Lucky to be born... a miserable failure...' Is that who I am!?  
_It was like he was trapped in a never-ending circle of memories and there didn't seem to be a solution or a way out. It was just wearing him down!

Sureen really did the best she could - Zuko knew that - and although her efforts couldn't get him out of his scattered thoughts, at least they were something REAL... something to hold on to. She looked after him. Fed him. Trusted him. It was overwhelming.  
He wasn't sure how many days had actually passed by when Sureen told him she that had to leave for a while to get some fresh stocks of food and she probably would be gone for the rest of the day... but that she would try to return as soon as possible.

Eventually, the prince found himself lying in the cave all alone... he couldn't help thinking he was the only person left in this world. Besides the sound of his shaking breath, all he could hear was the constant patter of rain coming from outside. Nothing else was moving or was making any noise. And what was more, he didn't even know where he was... where this flying Sera-creature had actually taken him. Some cave somewhere at the foot of some mountain or whatever. He could be anywhere in this fucking world right now! He just didn't have a clue! The feeling of being lost and disoriented was steadily closing in on him, making it almost impossible to breathe.

Damn! What the hell was wrong with him?! Just a few weeks ago, being all alone had been exactly what he had wanted! Being cut loose from his uncle, being able to continue his journey on his own, being free to make his own decisions... and finally to find his own way. And now his life had kind of kicked him on his own way... so now THERE HE WAS, finally all by himself. But no. Rather than being able to make his own decisions, he didn't feel capable to move forward or to make any decisions at all. Instead, his mind tortured him by going round in circles all day long.

NO. Things couldn't go on like that. He just had to DO something, otherwise he would go insane! Just get himself going. Once again, his strange dream came to his mind... it had felt so real... he could still remember every move of this redirect-lightning-technique his uncle had taught him. In his mind's eye, he could see the sequence of moves quite clearly. It felt as if each move was alive within his body. So all he had to do was actually to get up from his makeshift bed and to repeat those moves the way he could still feel them... the way they were saved inside him.

Alright then. He had been lying around uselessly for long enough... and this was just a simple sequence of moves!

Just a second later, for the very first time in a long while, he was finally GLAD to be all alone. To not be watched by anyone while he struggled to get up, slumping down again and again, as his shaky legs refused to carry his weight... then finally managed to drag himself to his feet, leaning against the cave wall for support, feeling sick to his stomach, breathing heavily with exhaustion. With every breath he was painfully reminded of his wounded ribcage. His head was swimming awfully, beads of sweat were covering his forehead. But all of this still felt better and more real than being tortured by his thoughts.

With relief he noticed that he began to recover after a while. His doziness was decreasing slowly and his legs felt less wobbly, so he decided to push himself away from the wall and take some steps closer to the campfire. Still felt a little unsteady but seemed to work well enough.  
Hesitatingly, he began to repeat the moves from his dream. The pain in his upper body was tolerable, so he kept going. At the beginning, his awkward movements felt all wrong and he was sure that he looked quite ridiculous... but the more often he repeated the motion sequence, the closer it got to the way he felt it... the way he had done it in his dream. He could almost hear his uncle's explanation...'_You must create a pathway from your fingertips up your arm, to your shoulder, then down into your stomach... ... Are you focusing your energy? Can you feel your own chi flowing in - down - up - and out?'_

Yeah, he got it. That was it. Finally it felt right! A satisfied look flashed over Zuko's face. Right at that moment he heard the roll of thunder outside. A thunderstorm was approaching! Then he saw the flashing glare of lightning, followed by another peal of thunder some seconds later. LIGHTNING! Real lightning! He HAD to take this chance, he simply had to!  
Hurriedly he stepped outside, into the pouring rain, and took a look around. In doing so, he noticed the cave wasn't located at the foot of a mountain at all! It was actually quite high above and offered a wide view of the valley and the low angry thunderclouds. The top of the mountain seemed fairly close! And that was exactly where he wanted to go right now, in order to reach it in time... to catch this real lightning and to redirect it, using his uncle's moves! Without hesitation, he started climbing upwards. Heedless of his injuries, the lashing rain that drenched his clothes and the bitter wind blowing in his face. There was no holding him back.

Totally exhausted, his vision blurred, his ribcage burning like mad with each of his heavy breaths, he finally reached the very top of the mountain. There he was. He knew he could do this. If only lightning would come down right here, RIGHT NOW!  
Deep inside he knew that doing this actually wasn't about redirecting _lightning_. It was about redirecting... everything. Redirecting all those horrid things his life had done to him up to this very moment. Like... every humiliating failed attempt to capture the avatar... the countless times he had been bullied by his sisters or beaten up by his father... each time in his life he had been at somebody else's mercy, too weak to defend himself. A living proof of his own insufficency. Like the failure his father had talked him into believing he was. But now, for the first time, he felt as if he could get himself out of that position. Finally, he was given the option to fight back.

His father. Consumed by the same wild rage that had caused him to burn down that abandoned village a few days ago, the words just burst out of him -

"You've always thrown everything you could at me! But I can take it! And now I can give it BACK! C'MON! STRIKE ME! YOU'VE NEVER HELD BACK BEFORE!" From the bottom of his heart, the prince yelled at the pitch black sky, flinging all his hatred and his rage towards the merciless thunderclouds. His infuriated outburst echoed from the mountains nearby, spreading out across the whole valley. With a brief look around he assured himself that he was all alone... before he finally allowed a grief-stricken tear to escape his good eye.

And suddenly there it was. The lightning he had so urgently been waiting for. Before he could even take another breath. From one second to the next it raced down on him. It didn't give him the ghost of a chance to even think about what he was doing... it just hurtled towards him. Without a warning.

-x-x-x-

_What the...?!_ He was gone. Once again he had disappeared!

When Sureen got back from fishing and collecting fresh stocks of food, she found the cave empty. No prince Zuko around. But once again his sleeping-bag and his luggage were still there - so obviously, even this time, he intended to come back. The girl sighed. This was kind of getting to be a pain.

_Damnit! He's INJURED, his wounds haven't healed yet! I don't believe this! I swear I NEVER acted like that when I was that age! NEVER EVER! I mean... didn't I?! Well... ok... actually I never stayed at one place for a very long time. And escaping always was so easy for me, as Sera never really left my side and I could count on her whenever I felt like leaving everything behind again. So... yeah... maybe I wasn't much different either back then. Maybe I was even worse. But anyway. WHERE THE HELL DID HE GO?!_

He wasn't somewhere outside the cave either. Or at least not in the valley she was just coming from. Otherwise she would have noticed him on her way back home. But where else would he go and above all else - WHY?! They were in the middle of a thunderstorm, for WHAT REASON would anyone hang around outside right now? She couldn't help starting to worry. Something was not right, was it? With another sigh she tried to push her uneasy feeling aside and started to prepare their dinner instead. These fish would probably not gut themselves on their own.

Eventually, the fish were skewered on sticks and roasting on the campfire and some rice was gently bubbling in the cooking pot. Outside, dusk was slowly approaching and the rain hadn't lost any of its intensity. And still - no sign of Zuko. Sureen was really worried by now. She was seriously just about to call for Sera and see if they could... _but wait a sec! WHAT...?!_ Wasn't that the sound of... steps... coming from outside!? But suddenly the slow rhythm of those steps was interrupted by the sound of a heavy thump... then everything became silent.  
Instantly, Sureen jumped to her feet. A second later she was outside the cave, standing in the pouring rain, her eyes frantically scanning the surroundings.

"ZUK... oh... damn!" She felt her heart sinking upon seeing the boy's motionless body lying right in front of the cave. Without hesitation she ran towards him, grabbed him by his shoulders and pulled him across the muddy ground until they reached the dry, warm cave. Carefully, she turned him on his back, her eyes scanning his ribcage. Although his shirt was rain-drenched, the girl could see the stain of fresh blood. _Yeah of course... that just figures! _Hesitatingly, Zuko opened his eyes. It took him a while to focus on the girl bending over him, arms akimbo, her eyes narrowed in anger.

"WHAT THE...?! What were you DOING out there? Right in the middle of a f...ing thunderstorm!? ARE YOU COMPLETELY NUTS? Where the hell have you been?!"

"None... of your... bsnss. St... actin... like... you're my moth...!" the prince growled through his clenched teeth, hardly able to speak.

"Yeah sure! Then YOU maybe better stop actin' like some little child that I can't even leave alone for just a few hours!" While scolding him, Sureen was furiously gesticulating right in front of his face, but suddenly stopped to wipe her cheeks with the back of her hand, quickly removing the tears of sorrow and relief that had welled up in her eyes. "DAMNIT! Zuko! I was freakin' WORRIED ABOUT YOU, don't you get that?!"

"No." He looked at her blearily. "Why sh... anyone... worry...bout... ME?" Sureen's eyes went wide.

"'Cause I do. 'Cause you matter to me! And YOU are seriously telling ME that I AM the one who doesn't have a clue about anything?! Sure." The girl sighed. Zuko averted his eyes, turning his head sideways. "Very well. So... hanging around outside in the pouring rain and getting soaking wet just is your new hobby or what!?"

"Pssibly." he growled, his head still turned to the side.

Sureen rolled her eyes. "You drive me crazy, you know that?!" She hesitated for a a second, running her hands through her hair, before she added in a low voice, "I'm glad you're back."

-x-x-x-

With a low groan Sureen alighted on her sleeping bag and began to eat her fish. Zuko did so as well, sitting opposite her at the campfire. Luckily the cave wall was right behind him, giving him the option of resting his back against it... without letting show that he was actually unable to sit up straight under his own power. But he was just unwilling to go back to the state that he had been in for days.

Although the Fire prince had behaved as unapproachably as always while Sureen had applied a fresh bandage on his wound, the girl had noticed some change in his eyes. The haunted look that was constantly flickering in them during the last days... it was gone. It had been replaced by something else... something way more reassuring and resistant. Like he had discovered some new strength somewhere deep inside him.

So whatever Zuko had been doing outside in the thunderstorm... it must have been quite important for him. A crucial step or something like that.  
And although he was worn out like hell now... _yeah you are, my feelings tell me the truth about you anyway. I mean, I know you don't wanna let it show though... so.. go for it then..._ although he was completely exhausted, Zuko's body temperature was still around normal and even his wound wasn't bleeding anymore. So all in all, his condition was a lot better than Sureen had expected it to be when she had found him lying outside the cave. Alright then.

"Can I ask you one more thing?" Sureen was a little startled at his abrupt question, as the prince hadn't seemed to be in the mood for talking since he had come back. Taken by surprise, she raised her eyebrows...

"Oh c'mon, why are always YOU the one to ask ME questions? This is not exactly even, don't you think?! You haven't even told me where you've been today and instead of doing so you ask ME to tell you... whatever." Grumpily, she folded her arms.

"FINE! You wanna know where I've been!? I've been on top of this mountain, learning to redirect lightning!" he snapped back at her. Sureen raised her eyebrows even higher.

"So... um, wait a sec. The first thing that came to your mind, after being out for days, was - 'Oh great, there's a thunderstorm outside, so let's climb up that mountain and LEARN TO REDIRECT LIGHTNING'?! Yeah... that... totally makes sense."

The sarcasm in her words could hardly be missed. Zuko tried to avoid her questioning look - and Sureen knew there was something more. He was still hiding something. But well... obviously he wasn't willing to deal with that in any further detail right now. Alright then. "Ok. Anyway. Whatever. So... what was that thing you wanted to ask me?" With relief Zuko noticed that she wasn't trying to dig any deeper.

"Um... maybe it's a little... personal..." he kept humming and hawing.

"So...? C'mon, spit it out!"

"I've been wondering... how you... I mean... back then, after you... how did you get over it? What did you do to... get back to normal?" the prince asked stutteringly.

"Back to normal, hmm?!" She couldn't choke back a grin at the thought of someone really reckoning her "normal"... but a second later she got serious again. "So... you wanna know what happened after my suicide attempt... that made me stay alive?" Zuko nodded. "You know... I can't explain this with a sentence or something. It's a pretty long story. I'm not sure if you..."

"I want to."

"Well... ok then." Sureen ran her fingers through her dark brown hair, collecting herself. Not exactly an easy topic to talk about. But there was nothing wrong about his question and so there was no reason for her to leave it unanswered.

-x-x-x-

"This is probably gonna sound a little muddled... but that's because I've got gaps in my memory when it comes to that period of time. But anyway... what I still remember is that I was in that sick bay for a very long time. No idea where this place actually was located or who had brought me there... but that was where I woke up, feeling more miserable than ever before. I was trapped in this damn senseless life although I had lost my right and my reason to exist. That was what it felt like.  
During... maybe during the first days, no idea... I was in a state somewhere in between being awake and being asleep - I wasn't able to think clearly or to perceive anything that was going on around me. But it kind of... got better after a while. I mean I kind of woke up entirely and I started to notice what was actually happening.

"The next thing I can remember is... those healers and medics needed every helping hand they could get, since the sick bay was literally swamped with injured warriors. I guess there must have been some battle against the Fire Nation close to there. Whatever. I just know that the nurses invovled me in helping them with treating the injured as soon as I was fit enough to get out of bed. And so I found myself in the middle of all that mess, helping out all day and sometimes even all night, trying to care for those injured people as well as possible.

"Although that was the toughest job I could imagine, it kind of saved me, I guess. Because I got in touch with life again... and with all those people... with their fates and their stories and what they'd gone through. In doing so I learned... what living in a war was really like. I learned that a war creates nothing but victims... that it makes everyone suffer and hurt... and it leaves behind nothing but death, broken souls and horrible mistakes that one can never ever make up for. There are no 'winners' in this war, prince Zuko. There's only loss, pain, guilt and destruction. No matter where you look."

Zuko's blood ran cold upon listening to Sureen's toneless voice. Regardless of that, the girl went on.

"And so I learned that... I wasn't the only one who was suffering. Everyone was. And some of them even more than myself. And in view of all that... I finally concluded that my idea of committing suicide was just too pathetic.  
And furthermore from being confronted with this terrifying mess, I realized that I was actually able to help in a way. Not by healing people's injuries... that wasn't my job... but simply by staying with them and listening and just being there. For the first time in my life I could ever really use my tribe's special abilities. I was given the chance to apply my knowledge... MY PEOPLE'S knowledge. It felt like their spirit was living on through my deeds, you know? So it was like... for the first time I could give something back..."

Hearing that, Zuko's own words came back to his mind - _'... But I can take it! And now I can give it BACK!'_ Just some hours ago, these words full of rage and hatered had been bursting out of him, crashing into the black clouds. But this was a different thing, wasn't it? Sureen was not talking about fighting back. Or maybe she was. In a different way though. But also for her it was about... getting out of the position that had held her captive.

"... Give something back to my people... and also back to those injured warriors. Their physical injuries were of course their obvious ones... but I daresay they were hurt far deeper than that. In so many cases their worst injuries were hidden inside their hearts and their minds.

"So... yeah... on the one hand learning all that stuff was a really tough experience... but on the other hand, I also learned a lot about my strengths and my skills. I found out that I had the ability to provide support and empathy... and stuff. And it seemed like backing somebody in that way... was rarely happening in this war. And so I finally began to feel like... well... maybe there was a reason why I had been the only survivor back then. Maybe I hadn't died because... I was still needed in this. There was some task for me to accomplish. So... possibly it was RIGHT that I was still alive. Maybe going on wasn't that meaningless after all."

Their eyes met for a second. Sureen's gaze was clear and focused, whereas the prince's eyes stared back at her absentmindedly. _'...There are some important tasks for you to accomplish. Your time is yet to come...'_ - Iroh's words from that strange dream resounded in Zuko's head.

"So it was like... you found a new task... or a reason... to keep going on and to get moving again... so as to give your life a meaning..." he mumbled, lost in thought. It seemed as if she had found a new direction back then. A direction to align herself with. She had been given some new orientation, maybe. Suddenly, his eyes narrowed. He grabbed his left wrist, feeling the cold, plain stones of his bracelet. _'... the star in the middle is a symbol for orientation and guidance. It's a guiding star. The symbols on the stones next to the star are ancient Fire Nation letters. It reads 'challenge'. Altogether it means... I shall always find some orientation in my life, no matter which challenges are getting in my way.'_  
He swallowed and took a deep breath. So this was what it was all about? Finding a way to head in a new direction?!

Sureen smiled back at him carefully, a little surprised that he had got her point. "Well... yes... pretty much like that." her reply interrupted his thoughts. "The heart is capable of moving past the pain, as long as you keep moving forward as well." Still staring into space, the prince nodded slowly.

"And so... now, with some hindsight, I think that was why I really started to move after the situation in that sick bay had relaxed a little. Luckily, I had Sera, who was my trusted buddy all the time. Who took me wherever I wanted to go, whenever I wanted to. So I started travelling from one place to another. Trying to help as much as I could, then going to the next place and so on and so on. This has really been a journey for Sera and me, so far. Well... and one day I met Aang and his friends and they allowed me to come with them them for a while." Again the girl smiled, this time at the thought of her 'big pony' and the long journey behind both of them.

But a second later she shrugged her shoulders, averting her eyes. "But although... you know... although I've always tried to help as much as I was able to, I have to face the fact that I'm just a sole person with very limited influence. There's this war going on and it seems like I'm just a small helpless shrimp caught in the middle. And no matter how hard I try, I'm just not able to really improve anything. Sometimes it just feels like... I'm nothing but a tiny drop in this endless ocean..."

This time it was Zuko's gaze that was clear and focused.

"No. You're not. You're not just a drop in the ocean. I... I mean... f-for me... you..." He began to stutter and timidly averted his eyes as well. He couldn't speak on. He just couldn't get the words out. But they were there, his mind was full of them - Sureen could feel them as if they were her own thoughts: _'... You're the only one I could possibly eventually trust... the only one who knows me and still likes me... and doesn't reckon me to be a failure... you're the only one who cares... the one who's not afraid... the one who's with me and stops me from feeling so lost... you're the one who... saved my life.'_

The prince swallowed hard. "... You're not just a drop." was all he managed to say. But Sureen knew the score.  
As Zuko finally dared to look up, meeting her eyes again, he saw her smiling as brightly as if the sun itself was sitting next to him.

"Ok. Thanks." was all she said in return. _Oh... my... goodness. That was... wow... that was the greatest compliment I've EVER received, for sure!_ Sureen couldn't even describe how much her heart was jumping for joy. All she could do was sit there and look back at Zuko with the most beaming smile her face was able to give, her eyes sparkling, giddy with pleasure. Her real reply did not require any words to be understood.

_DAMN... why... how... what the hell... well, anyway._ Zuko shook his head in disbelief, a telltale shimmer in his eyes.  
There she was, that woman, Sureen... seeing through him, sensing his unspoken words and, in answer to them, smiling at him as though there was no misery in the world. The look on her face hit him like a warm-hearted wave, touching him deep inside and swamping the depths of his hurt soul, enveloping him with convidence. In spite of what she had been through and what she had just told him, she had kept that joy inside her heart. Still she was able to smile at him like that, setting his restless mind at ease and comforting his troubled heart for a second.

His worries and doubts would come back though, wouldn't they... of course... still he couldn't escape from them for long. But anyway... alright then... at least for now, this moment, he felt at ease. And so... the prince couldn't help it. Sureen being all smiles was just too infectious. The corners of his mouth began to twitch and, finally, turned upward.

This was the first time Sureen had ever seen him smile.

* * *

_One step closer, I'm feeling fine _  
_Getting better one day at a time _  
_I'm moving forward with all of my might _  
_I'm heading toward a new state of mind_

_..._

_Motivation, a powerful strength  
Hesitation was my first instinct _  
_I got the notion my weakness was _  
_Total devotion, it's okay, because _

_I will hold back tears_  
_So I can move in the right direction _  
_I have faced my fears _  
_Now I can move in the right direction _

_I'm doing fine, one step closer every day at a time _  
_I won't lose my mind, lose my mind, uh uh_.

_[GOSSIP - MOVE IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION]_

_LINK TO THIS SONG:_  
_w w w. myvideo. de/ watch/ 8565689/ Gossip_ Move_In_The_Right_Direction_  
___[copy+paste - remove blanks - enter :)!]_

* * *

-x-x-x-

**A/N: Pheeeeww... no, still I'm NOT crying *blink...blink...inhale...exhale...swallow* :P. And yaaaaaaaaaayyyyy, finally, I got him to smile :) :) :)! Mission accomplished :D.  
(Yeah I know, it's fluffy like hell though ;)... or fluffy like... whatever... HEAVEN :D?! Hell is probably not exactly fluffy, right...)**

**"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me haaaappyyyyyyyyyy, when skies are grayyyy..." *sing* :o)  
... I'll never know, though, unless you reeeviewwwww, please leave me a review today! :D  
**


	7. Confessions

**A/N: DAMN, I know, this was such a long wait :-S... I'm so sorry! But finding a new beta and then doing all required corrections took me AGES this time... GAAAAAAHHH! (But talking of "a new beta" - special thanks to Ersatz Einsein for helping out with this :)!)  
**

**So... HERE WE GO AGAIN! Finally :o)! In line with this next part of my fic, seems like we're leaving the world of fluff and we're entering a more ANGSTY world... hehe :P! As I have no clue about my own abilities as an author - let's see if I can go for the angsty stuff as well! :)**

**Also, I'm currently reading an incredibly amazing Zuko-fic called "Dragon at Heart"... if you haven't read it yet, GO THERE and READ IT: w w w. fanfiction . n...e...t/s/7633516/1/Dragon-at-Heart! It gave me tons of helpful suggestions and a lot of inspiration :o)... although this thing is entirely in a different league, way above my level. But still it got things rolling in my brain... like... my character-descriptions and the way everyone react and stuff. So... with Iroh's words: It is important to draw wisdom from many different places. :o) ... YES!**

**Besides that, there are several other things I need to explain about this first chapter of Part II, but I don't wanna give you any hints in advance ;). Background info follows right below the chap!**

**.~°~.**

**.~°~..~°~..~°~. - ****PART II**** - .~°~..~°~..~°~.**

* * *

_PROLOGUE_

* * *

_Hatred. It's a mighty power. Once it has taken hold of your heart, it keeps clinging to its every beat and never lets go again. It poisons your deeds, your thoughts and your soul. For my life had been governed by this all-consuming power. But how have I ever been supposed to feel anything but horror and pure hatred? Would there have been any other way to cope with those... occurences... back then? How is the mind supposed to endure and witness things no one should ever be forced to go through... without striving for revenge?!  
Hatred was the power that kept me sane, that kept me moving forward, that kept my emotions focused… that protected me in a way._

_But lately I've realized that pursuing revenge only keeps your own wounds bleeding and makes your soul go blind. And if blind hatred merely kills me bit by bit… giving in to it would be like throwing my life away. But I won't. I hope I will find a way to leave my past behind._

_If I am truly the last survivor of my tribe, I will make sure their spirit will live on through my deeds. That's the least I can do. For I owe them. And possibly I am not the LAST survivor. Maybe she is still alive as well… maybe..._

_But no matter what. I must not throw my life away. I need to open my eyes. I need a second chance._

-x-x-x-

**-7-**

* * *

**CONFESSIONS**

* * *

There he was. Standing on the deck of the ferry, a gentle airstream blowing in his face. Cut loose from his former life, right from the second they had left Full Moon Bay. There was no turning back now. He knew he would never return to the place they had come from. He took a deep breath. Lost in thought, he kept chewing on the blade of grass that bobbed up and down between his lips.

He had heard many tales and stories about the great city of Ba Sing Se. Soon he would see it with his own eyes. Soon he would find out if it offered him the second chance he was hoping for.  
But before that, he had to put this annoying, neverending ferry ride behind him. The conditions on board were... adverse, to say the least. The boat was brimming over with passengers, everyone had to sleep on the bare floor - if they found any free space at all - and the food was nauseating. It made him sick. And since he had heard rumors about the captain of the ferry dining like a king, being treated like this bothered him even more. He was unwilling to accept this situation any longer.

Injustice was something he would never be willing to tolerate. Never again. He had been forced to tolerate it back then, in that one night and the terrifying days that followed, had changed his life forever. The assaults he had had to undergo those days had been burned into his mind and his soul and had stayed there ever since. And so, he had promised himeself: Even if hatred and revenge were not the right way out of this – still he would never be capable of accepting any kind of injustice without fighting back. The day he had finally been able to escape from the hell he had been trapped in, knowing he was leaving his people behind, being unable to save them from death... that day he had made his promise. And he would keep it to the very end, no matter what. Determinedly he folded his arms and clenched his teeth, causing the blade of grass to stop moving.

"GAAAAAAHH! I'm sick of eating rotten food, sleeping in the dirt! I'm tired of living like this!" an enraged voice complained close behind him, interrupting his train of thought.

"… Are we all." He replied, slightly turning his head to find out where the voice was coming from and who else was upset about the adverse conditions on the ferry.

The enraged boy, who seemed to be some years younger than himself, was marked by a big burn scar that disfigured the right side of his face, including his right eye. The boy was accompanied by a girl… or a young woman. She was of slight build, about his own age, with long, dark brown hair. Why was her appearance so familiar to him, like he had seen her before, like he knew her, like… NO WAY! NO! This could not be possible, he had to be mistaken, it just couldn't be true… or… COULD IT?! He held his breath as he turned towards the two passengers, walking towards them. His widened eyes were focused on the girl, his heart was racing like mad.

The second she recognized him, her eyes widened just like his, reflecting the surprise she was feeling. But a second later, the same kind of horror that was written on his face was written on hers while she slowly shook her head, swallowing hard. "JET…" she breathed, staring at him in disbelief, eyes shimmering. A moment later, she whirled around, almost crashed into the boy with the burn scar, made her way past him and ran through the crowd on deck… and finally, he lost track of her.

Jet couldn't help it – he had to follow her. Or at least he wanted to. So bad. Unfortunately, he was stopped roughly by a firm grip on his arm, pulling him back. Taken by surprise, Jet turned around. The boy with the burned face was standing right behind him, unwilling to let go of his arm and giving him a distrustful look.

"Don't you DARE go after her." His voice was low but yet threatening and assertive, his flaming caramel colored eyes boring into Jet's.

"Please! I need to talk to her, I need to know why…"

"YOU need to SHUT UP. Who the hell are you and why… what did you do to my friend?!" the boy snapped.

Jet sighed. "Alright. Name's Jet. I'm… um… Sureen and me… we grew up together." The assailant's firm grip grew tighter, his fingers digging painfully into Jet's upper arm.

"That's IMPOSSIBLE. She told me she's… the only… there's no one left but her!" The edge in the boy's voice could not be missed.

"Yeah. I see. Of course. That explains her reaction. All these years she didn't have a clue… but of course not. She couldn't know. Please, I have to find her! I… I didn't expect to ever see her again. Let go of my arm! I NEED TO TALK TO HER!"

"Alright." Reluctantly, Sureen's companion loosened his grip. "But I'm coming with you." His conclusion did not leave any room for contradiction.

-x-x-x-

He was alive. IMPOSSIBLE. No way. But he had been standing right in front of her, ALIVE, in the flesh… God, his face, that look in his eyes, the way he had leaned against the wall – sure, he had grown up, but everything had still been SO HIM! Her heart had skipped a beat when she recognized him. She couldn't have been mistaken! God, how badly she missed him, how much her heart jumped for joy at the moment she had recognized his face... but things would never be the same between them. Although HE was back, their friendship would never return. A sharp pain flowed through her heart and she tried to blink away the tears that welled up in her eyes.

But this was impossible… all these years she had been so sure everyone had been killed.

And the reason for being so sure was… N_o, I don't want to go back there, I don't want to remember, please no, let me go, I don't want to feel it ever again_… she had been so sure everyone had died… because… SHE HAD FELT IT. _I can't stand this, let go of me, it's over, but still it hurts so bad, oh my God I can't take it, please no, make it stop!_  
Their pain, their torture, their screams of agony, their panic, their despair in contemplation of death, filling her mind, each part of her..._ It's all around, OH MY GOD!_ Although Sureen hadn't been with them, although she had been miles away, she had been cursed to feel every single torture the Fire Nation soldiers had visited upon her people that night and the days that followed. Each abuse, each violation, each rape. Every time someone's skin had been burned off by a fire blast. Whatever assaults their sick minds had come up with to make her people suffer and to completely destroy their dignity before they died.

She kept running and running across the ferry-deck, bumping into people, making her way past them somehow. _Just keep running, I must get away from this..._ all the way down the stairs._ NEED TO GET AWAY..._

For Sureen, synthesizing all that torture had felt worse than dying herself would have. Maybe that had been her punishment for betraying her people. And apparently, her punishment was still far from being over. Jet was alive.  
Damn, how had he made it through, how had he been able to survive, and WHY THE HELL had her abilities failed and had never told her anything about him…!? Because… it had been too much. All these emotions had swept over her heart and soul so horribly, they had just been overwhelming, they had been way too much, a terrifying flood of agony… and she hadn't been able to escape, there had been no way to flee from it. Until she had become numb, desperately clinging to Sera's back. Until she had lost space and time, her sense of orientation, her memory, simply LOST IT.

And now… she had to face him again. The boy who had been her best friend, once upon a time, in a distant past that was so painfully different from her present. She would have to face his accusations, endure his hatred and stand the disappointment and his destroyed trust. As he was up to throw it all back in her face. Of course that was what he was up to. There was no other possible reaction… No other reaction she DESERVED for what she had done.

But she was so scared. She felt tinier than ever, as she feared she would not have the heart to put up with… whatever lay ahead of her. But still she deserved it, there was no doubt about it. Slowly she slumped to the ground, pulling her knees close in search of comfort.

-x-x-x-

Zuko found her collapsed into a heap on her makeshift bed, hugging her knees, head bent forward, slowly rocking back and forth. His heart tensed up when he saw the girl cowering on the ground, a picture of misery. Hurriedly he turned back around, his eyes flashing up furiously as they met Jet's gaze. "Stay where you are. Not even ONE step closer!" With a harsh tone, Zuko ordered the guy to stand still. Then he approached Sureen.

Slowly he crouched down on the floor next to her, unsure of what to do. "Um... I've barred this jerk from coming after you. He's waiting over there." Sureen's only reply was a scarcely visible nod. "... But I swear I'm gonna burn this fucking blade of grass right in front of his nose if he dares to move one step closer," he muttered awkwardly after spending some uncomfortable seconds in silence.

Sureen slightly lifted her head, but she still seemed to find her knees incredibly interesting.

"What's going on here? Who's this moron? How is it possible he's still alive if he's really the person he pretends to be? And why... does everything about this guy feel just so... WRONG?! TALK TO ME!" Zuko couldn't hold back anymore. He didn't want to be excluded from this any longer... because... seeing Sureen like that felt so alarming, and although he didn't want to admit it to himself, he was honestly worried about her. Facing that, he was definitely NOT willing to just sit and wait for whatever was about to happen. He didn't want to feel this... helpless.

Sureen swallowed hard, entirely lifting her head to meet his gaze. "Oh Zuko... it's not like HE'S the moron... he hasn't done anything wrong at all. Don't be so mad at him. _I'm_ the one who..." Her voice failed. The girl took a deep breath, trying to regain her composure. She clearly perceived Zuko's concern and confusion regarding the whole situation... and it just didn't feel right to leave him in the dark.

"It's just... when your past suddenly comes back to haunt you... without giving you the slightest chance to brace yourself..." She flashed him a telling glance.

Yeah, he knew that feeling by heart. But still, he couldn't think of any helpful answer. Returning her look knowingly was all he was able to do.

"You know, all these years I've been so sure everyone but me was dead. I knew it because..." Sureen ran her fingers through her hair, closing her eyes and shaking her head, as if she was trying to chase away a disturbing thought. "I just knew it. Or rather, I thought I knew it. But obviously there was something... someone... my mind had overlooked in between... all that... whatever."

She looked up again. Whatever pain she had just tried to shake away was apparently still there. Her effort had been of little avail. Her eyes still exuded such agony that Zuko was the one who had to avert his gaze now. Once again the feeling of being entirely insufficient came creeping over him. He didn't have a clue what to say now, what to do to comfort her. He couldn't think of any helpful reaction.

"No, never mind. It's okay. That's life, I guess. Or at least MY life. The only way out is through, isn't it..." Sureen shrugged her shoulders, giving him an awkward smile. The prince sighed. That didn't sound exactly convincing.

"Well... speaking of 'through'... He told me he needs to talk to you." With a short glance over his shoulder, Zuko pointed at Jet... before turning to Sureen again and lowering his voice. "But I won't let him... If you don't want to talk to him... I won't let him get closer." There was no doubt he meant it. Another gentle smile flashed over the girl's face. She couldn't deny that Zuko being that protective towards her was kind of touching.

"Don't you worry. Jet is my ex-very-best-friend, you know. So... whatever it is he needs to tell me... he's right. It's nothing but the truth, from his point of view. And I have to listen. I owe him. There's just no way around it. And so... it'll make no difference if I'll face this now or later. So... the sooner, the better."

The prince could tell from her shimmering eyes that she was anything but at ease with the idea of facing this Jet-jerk right now. But he also understood her wish to get it over with as soon as possible. Hesitatingly, Zuko got up from the floor with another deep-drawn sigh. He granted Jet permission to take his place by throwing another look at him and nodding at him in agreement.

"Hey up there..." As he was just about to turn around and leave, he felt a soft kick in his shin. "... Thank you" Sureen whispered, still huddled on her makeshift bed, looking up to him. Also, for the first time it seemed as if she was looking up _at_ him, he noticed confusedly.

"What for." His scarcely audible reply sounded more like a statement than a question. Hurriedly, he turned away to leave the field clear to this Jet-guy.

The girl smiled. "For watching over me."

While walking away, Zuko heard Sureen's voice close behind him, making him stop for a second. With a heavy heart, the prince eventually backed out onto the deck, knowing the conversation between them wasn't destined for him.

Back on deck, he leaned against the railing. He felt a sharp gust of wind blowing in his face and closed his eyes. In a few days they would reach the opposite shore of Lake Laogai and the gates of Ba Sing Se. Although the city painfully reminded him of his uncle, it appeared to be the safest place to go, considering the fact that nearly every soldier of the Fire Nation seemed to be chasing him. And, to be honest, after he'd sufficiently recovered from his injuries, heading towards Ba Sing Se had simply been the first idea that had come to his mind when he considered a destination... as he needed to go _some_where. And since his uncle had passed away, his world had been upside down, and still it was. Still he found himself unable to think about how to go on. With his mission to capture the Avatar, with fighting his sister, with escaping from the Fire Nation troops and from his real identity... with... his life, after all. He swallowed hard.

Eventually, he opened his eyes again, letting them travel over the churning waves of Lake Laogai. Water as far as the eye could see. No land in sight.  
_'And no matter how hard I try... Sometimes it just feels like... I'm nothing but a tiny drop in this endless ocean...'_ When he remembered Sureen's words, another sigh escaped Zuko's lips. If this Jet-guy down there DARED to hurt her... by doing no matter what...! The prince frowned.

Nothing but water. All the way to the horizon. This was definitely NOT his element. And this was not even his ship. He was nothing more than a passenger, just like everyone else. But well… it didn't matter. He had lost his feeling of safety anyway – it made no difference whether he was surrounded by water or by anything else. In fact, it was needless to put him on a weird black flying creature's back or to take him to whatever other place in order to make him feel like he had no control over anything. He had lost control anyway.  
Maybe the enormous wall around the city of Ba Sing Se would provide a little more security and the opportunity to retreat from... well... from what?! From the Fire Nation, in the first place. Just like almost everyone on the ferry, Zuko was just another refugee by now. But still it felt as if it was not only the Fire Nation he was trying to hide from.

Lost in thought, he let his eyes wander across the lake.

-x-x-x-

"Well... this is… a bit unexpected. I didn't mean to scare you earlier. I'm sorry if I did." Jet had taken a seat on Sureen's makeshift bed, right where Zuko had sat. And just like the prince a few minutes before, he couldn't prevent an uncomfortable feeling from creeping over him. "I... I haven't exactly been prepared for this either. To be honest, I hadn't expected this to happen. Ever seeing you again, I mean. So... long time no see, right..."

Wasn't he supposed to be happy right now? Wasn't this the very moment he had been secretly awaiting ever since his escape? But now that it had finally turned real... it felt so... unreal. And weird. And for some reason there was an anxious tension in the air, making it hard to breathe.

"Yeah. I had no idea... that... you... I was sure everyone had been killed. I abandoned everyone to their fate. All these years I was so damn sure there couldn't have been any survivors from that... nightmare." Sureen replied in a strained voice, not daring to look over at him.

"Well, sneaking around unnoticeably has always been one of my strong points, remember? So... not the first time I succeeded in staying under everyone's radar." he chuckled slightly. "So I assume... considering you are one of those who have been carrying our tribe's heritage... who have been given the gift of our ancestors... considering that, I assume... you shared everything with us then?"

Without lifting her head, the girl nodded. "Every second. Each... assault. Whatever anyone at any time had felt. So... be assured that my abilities were nothing but a GIFT back then. It's been my punishm... my right..ful punishment." Her voice cracked.

Jet's eyes went wide with disbelief. He looked at her blankly for a while before he regained his power of speech. "Sorry... but... what part of that story have I missed? Correct me if I'm wrong... according to what I've heard, punishment requires a crime or a severe misbehavior. So... what exactly did you do back then that makes you think you deserved punishment?!"

Sureen swallowed. "That night... when the Fire Nation... I was right there. Literally just around the corner. When I noticed that something was going on down there, I ran back to the village... only to stop moving and to hide behind a tree as soon as I was close enough to see the flames and everything. Upon realizing what was happening, it was like... my mind and my body froze with fear. I was petrified. I just couldn't move or think or do whatever. So I just hid behind that fucking tree, watching everything and doing NOTHING. I let you down. I let everyone down. I sent them to their certain death without even TRYING to... whatever. The only reason I survived back then, is that I was the most incredible coward ever."

Telling this story for the second time now, fighting back the tears came easier to her. But instead, her heart was in her mouth. She had just revealed the "crime" Jet had been asking her about. Now he knew the score. Now it was his turn to... accuse her, scold her, yell at her... hate her.

And hatred was a mighty power.

* * *

_Come with me_  
_Let me walk you through the world that I currently live in_  
_Not a thing is forgotten, not a thing is forgiven_  
_Nobody can hold their own underneath the weight, but_  
_Nobody can take the blame for their own mistakes, so_  
_What do you do when somebody lets you down_  
_And you wanna say something, but you can't, 'cause they're not around_  
_Inside you think they know the extent of the pain_  
_But they won't even admit that they were the one to blame_

_Can somebody please just explain to me_  
_What happened to the way that we always said we'd be_  
_'cause right now I don't know why I push through the pain that I got through_  
_And I'm losin' hope..._

_Deafening voices that frequency inside my head  
That says, I'm going at it the hard way  
I focus get everything inside out of my brain  
That claims, I'm going at it the hard way_

_[FORT MINOR - THE HARD WAY]_

_LINK TO THIS SONG:_  
_w w w. myvideo. de/ watch/ 6681688/ Fort_Minor_feat_Kenna_The_Hard_Way_  
_[copy+paste - remove blanks - enter :)!]_

* * *

-x-x-x-

**A/N: Yeah, this is pretty much a cliffhanger I guess...! Hehe, but I've always wanted to write such a thing... so here you are! At least for once. ;)**

**Alright... but... JET. Yaaaayyy :o)! He's gonna be a pretty crucial character in this... at least for the following chapters. But you need some more background info on "my" Jet ;).**

**1) He's older than he is in the "real" canon. (You'll find out soon why this is necessary...) In the canon, I think he tells Katara, he had been 8 when the Fire Nation had burned down his village. But for this fic, let's suppose he had been 13 back then. And the actual fic takes place 10 years after that. So now he's 23, Sureen is like 22 and Zuko's 16 years old.**

**2) "My" Jet is probably a little OOC. But this was kind of unavoidable, as the original character, imo, is a little "limited" :P. So I "extended" it in order to give Jet a more complete personality. What I've learned about him in the canon is, mainly, that he really deeply hates the Fire Nation... and so he's obsessed with... not necessarily killing everyone... but with taking revenge. And I was wondering why. Why he hates them THAT much. And so I added some additional... reasons... which could be an explanation for this. (You'll find out more about those reasons in the next chapter :P.)**

**3) But eventually, Jet decides to go to Ba Sing Se in order to leave his past behind, to give himself a second chance. So I guess he's trying to change his former behavior (like his attitude towards the Fire Nation and stuff). Maybe that little almost-romance-thing between him and Katara had some effects on him in retrospect and, eventually, made him change his mind.**

**4) Oh and speaking about romance... seems like Jet has quite a "womanizing side" as well, right? ;)**

**So... I took the given info and made up everything else. This wasn't easy to start with, as I didn't have "a feeling for Jet" at the beginning... like I didn't know him. So I guess I just wrote him like the way I want him to be. ;)  
And I can't wait to upload chapter 8 :o). It's almost done already! Man... that's gonna be... intense! :) :P :O  
**

**In the meantime, the review box is all yours! :)**


	8. Joining forces

**A/N: Hell... THIS is the chapter of my life... it contains my whole heart and everything I could find somewhere inside of me :)! So... take a seat, take a deep breath... and be aware that this is gonna get a little... extreme. The following chapter will contain a lot of angst, descriptions of violence and even hints of non-con. No real graphic details though - so I don't think I have to upgrade the rating to "M" because of this. But let's say... it's "T+", ok?! Don't like, don't read, guys ;).**

**This wouldn't have been possible without xxTigerAvatarxx who helped me a lot with some paragraphs - if you know her fics, you'll probably know what I'm talking about... and which parts have been reworked by her :P...! THANKS and HUGS for contributing an essential part to this chapter! :o)**

**And again, special thanks to Ersatz Einstein. Her list of corrections comprised EIGHT PAGES in Word. So much for my language skills, right... ;)**

**But anyway... HERE IT COMES... gaaaaahhh I'm excited! :D**

**-8-**

* * *

**JOINING FORCES  
**

* * *

Words failed him.

Not because he didn't know how to respond... but because... there was far too much he wanted to say.

His mind was reeling, numbed by the shocking revelation that he and Sureen shared the same overwhelming guilt. That day in his past when he had let everyone down... allowing them to die, while he alone survived. Only a few days before him, Sureen had done exactly the same thing. And so... someone else was here, sharing his pain. And yet he couldn't find the words to tell her so. The minutes passed in silence, unbearably slow, and he couldn't be bothered to count them.

"I... I know how you feel." he finally managed to grind out. "About letting our people down and abandoning them to their fate... and about surviving while everyone else was suffering and dying. I know what that feels like... because... I did it, too. I acted just the same as you... only a few days after that night. I took my chance to escape the moment it arrived. I fought my way out... and then I just ran... I ran and ran until my legs refused to carry me any further. And I didn't... I didn't even _think_ of taking anyone with me." He took a deep breath.

"The only reason I survived was because I was selfish enough to think only about saving my own life." As Jet turned back to Sureen, there was such deep sadness in his eyes that the brown irises appeared to have darkened several shades. "It hurts so much... knowing that you didn't do anything to help them. Because you KNOW you could have... SHOULD have done something. But you didn't."

Sureen couldn't believe her ears. The minutes they had just spent in silence had almost killed her, but still she had tried to brace herself for whatever Jet's reaction would be. So, naturally, she had assumed that she would be prepared for anything... but not for THAT. She had expected anything but... sympathy.  
He didn't hate her... he wasn't disappointed or mad. Not at all. Instead, he almost seemed to be in the same position as herself.

The moment her mind processed the information, her inner tension dissolved... and so did her composure. It was like she hadn't realized before how much she had, in fact, feared his reply... how afraid she had been to face the moment their friendship would irrecoverably be destroyed by her admission. And now... now that the moment had passed and none of her fears had been realized, her pent-up inner tension melted away and relief washed over her.

It wasn't like her to sob uncontrollably in public, let alone cry in front of someone... but this time she just couldn't supress it. She hugged her knees even closer, pressing her face into them as tightly as she possibly could. But suddenly, she felt two arms surround her, as though they were trying to protect her from any unwanted spectators... to shield her from the world. Then, Jet's hand carefully lifted her chin. Sureen hurried to wipe away the tears that were staining her cheeks before she looked up into his gentle, but worried, eyes. "Are you all right...?" he asked softly.

"Yeah, I'm fine, never mind... it's just... oh my God, I was so afraid you would hate me for what I've done. And that my failure would destroy everything that had ever been between us... and that I'd lose you again, the moment I finally got you back...!" the girl sniffled.

"How could I ever hate you... knowing that I'm not any better? Besides... I've learned the hard way how dangerous and consuming hatred can be. I know about the extent to which it can influence your deeds and your... way of thinking, sort of. My life has been steered by hatred ever since... back then. But I came to the conclusion that I needed to leave the past behind. Because if I don't... then I'll never be free from all of the hatred inside of me... and I'll never be free from... well... whatever." All of a sudden, Jet let go of her chin and averted his eyes. And Sureen clearly sensed... something. Something alarming. She couldn't pinpoint it, but she sensed her heart tensing up again as she felt Jet's wave of emotion hitting her.

She swallowed hard before she raised her voice again. "Jet... what... I mean... Okay, I know under any bearable conditions you wouldn't have done it. Escaping all by yourself without thinking about anything or anyone else, I mean. So... there must have been a real serious incident that made you do that." She hesitated for a second, not daring to ask the question that filled her mind. Her voice was hardly more than a whisper when she finally made herself continue. "What... happened... before you could escape from that place? What... what did they do to you?"

"How is it that you still know me as though we had never been apart?" Without lifting his eyes, he chuckled slightly... or pretended to do so to cover up the horror that spread through his mind as the memories began to close in on him, uncontrollably. "It was not only... ONE serious event, though." He hid his face with a shaky hand. "But if you really felt what we've been feeling... why are you asking me this at all?!" His voice was even more shaky than his hand.

"What I felt was like... one big, terrifying vortex-thing... sweeping over my mind with such a vengeance that... I just lost it. I couldn't stand it. Let alone feel any... details. If this flood of emotions had been any more detailed, I swear I would have lost my mind for good back then," Sureen whispered in reply.

"Yeah... I was definitely not the only one... who... got..." A tremor went through his body as an unwelcome memory passed through his mind. Although he clenched his fists, digging them into Sureen's sleeping-bag so firmly that his knuckles showed white, he couldn't keep himself from trembling. "I... I can't. I can't tell you. I'm sorry..."

But his thoughts told on him. They spoke volumes. They showed Sureen utterly vivid pictures she didn't want to witness. Yet, she couldn't close her mind's eye to the memories Jet was unintentionally throwing at her.  
Seeing sweaty bodies pressing tightly to his, hearing his muffled cries of pain and disgust, feeling his agony... All too soon, it became too much and Sureen had to remind herself that, while it had been reality for her companion, it was not reality now. As much as she wanted to scream... she couldn't. As much as she wanted to make those soldiers pay for what they had done... she couldn't. Because it wasn't happening now. She was on a ferry ride, brimming with refugees, and no one was even aware of the horrors she was witnessing. So, for her to react to her visions would not have been the most rational thing to do.

But nevertheless, she couldn't stop the tears from running down her face.

"... I just... I can't," Jet repeated. His voice was scarcely audible.

"You don't need to... I'm... I'm seeing it... at least this time... I'm... with you," the girl ground out. Carefully, she moved closer to him, ready to embrace his shaking shoulders or do anything to comfort him and to make the horror go away.

"Then get away from me. Stop it. Get out of my mind right now. Look somewhere else. There are enough people around, go and read THEIR thoughts. I'm not interested in having anyone eavesdropping on my memories," Jet replied with a suddenly cold and emotionless tone. "And DON'T TOUCH ME," he added, slapping away Sureen's approaching hand and giving her no other choice than to obey his words.

"I... I'm sorry for intruding. It's just that... I've never learned how to 'look somewhere else'. My training on how to use my abilities was never completed... due to... obvious reasons. And before, I'd never made it to the point where Master Yunah would have taught me how to NOT feel something... how to... dunno... 'switch off' my abilities in situations when I think them... inappropriate. I never learned how to do that. I tried to figure it out on my own... but obviously I haven't gotten very far. I didn't mean to offend you. But that's what did, I guess... so... I'm sorry. But... I thought we were friends?! Aren't we still? So... why won't you let me in, Jet?" When he had reacted that fiercely, Sureen had shied back, now looking at him with questioning eyes.

"You don't seriously expect me to ever include anyone into my memories of... of how I lost my dignity... and became those shameful, filthy Fire Nation soldiers' plaything, do you? No thanks. Not interested in sharing that. With ANYONE," he hissed. "How am I supposed to ever look someone in the eye again after they know what those monsters did to me back then?! How am I expected to be able to look you in the eye and accept the pity and disgust I see?!"

"No matter what they did to you back then... you're still the same guy! This doesn't change anything... not our friendship, nor the way I think of you as a person, nor the memories we share! Like... oh my God... when we decided to steal the cherries from Kynooni's cherry tree and it was my job to climb up the tree because I was so much smaller and lighter than you... but I was still way too heavy for that poor little branch and it completely snapped off with me sitting on top of it. Remember how I fell out of the tree and you caught me, spraining your wrist in the process? Yeah you DID sprain your wrist, although you didn't want to admit it... but... you know, even back then I was able to see through you, at least sometimes.  
"Or that day when we tried to 'borrow' Omu's llama-donkey to find out if he would make friends with Sera... but he kept on refusing to step foot in Sera's stable, no matter how much we tried to push and pull him!? And eventually, he was so fed up that he spat at me and I had his slimy slobber stuff all over my face!? Man, that was SO... eeeeeww! And you just cracked up. While I was desperately trying to clean up my face. Yeah... thanks a lot. Do you still remember?!  
"Oh, hell... or that winter, when you broke through the ice on our fish pond, just because you were trying to convince me that it was thick enough to walk on? Obviously, it wasn't... Thank God the pond was only waist-deep! Even so, it took me ages to pull you out! God, I'll never forget that look on your face when you noticed that the ice beneath you was beginning to crack... damn...!"

Lost in thought, Sureen could not refrain from chuckling. But soon she became aware of the situation again and spoke on with a serious but gentle voice. "That's what I see when I think of you. There are thousands of memories that will always remind me how special our friendship was... and how special YOU are to me. And that will never change, no matter what. Don't you DARE think those sick Fire Nation soldiers can change ANYTHING about that... 'cause I won't let it happen."

Looking at Jet's still-clenched fists and white knuckles was almost painful... and so Sureen couldn't help but reaching out her pinky at least, letting it find its way into Jet's cramped fist, eventually getting hold of the boy's own pinky and wrapping around it. Pinky-to-pinky contact didn't seem to be too much of a problem, Sureen noted with relief, a faint smile flashing over her face. At least he didn't get defensive this time.

"I just want you to know that you don't have to do this on your own. I know you had to endure things all on your own back then... but NOW you DON'T have to. I'm here. And as you told me earlier, you had to learn the hard way what hatred can do to you. I had to do the same with learning what happens when you keep trying to carry your burdens all on your own. It gets you nowhere... or to places much worse than nowhere." Luckily, her voice sounded stronger than she felt. She wouldn't let this get her down. She would withstand.

Suddenly, she felt Jet's fist somewhat relax. A second later, he lifted it the slightest bit to place it atop Sureen's hand and to hold fast to it.

Once again, he couldn't be bothered to count the minutes that passed in silence. Only this time, the silence felt much more whole and united than either of the two ever would have considered possible earlier.

-x-x-x-

Zuko frowned whilst watching the sun steadily approaching Lake Laogai's surface. _What the hell are they talking about down there and why is it taking them so long?! If Sureen isn't back by sunset, I'll check in on her to find out what's going on...!_ Grumpily, the prince folded his arms.

-x-x-x-

"But you're wrong on one point. I wasn't all alone back then," Jet finally whispered, not daring to look up. "You know, you start making up... things. To flee from reality. When your body is tied up and stuff... at some point, the only option that's left for you is to escape mentally... by trying to imagine you are somewhere else instead. And so I imagined... that I was with you. 'Causes I knew they hadn't been able to capture you. And so you were still somewhere out there... at liberty. Maybe you were sitting on Sera's back, ready to escape and to find a new place to live or whatever. So I focused on that image, picturing myself there as well. Like... sitting on Sera's back right behind you and flying through the air, high above the montain-tops, to a place far away from the Fire Nation troops.  
"And so... the thought of you being alive... being safe... out there, free... that thought saved my life, in a way. It was my shelter and my reason to survive. To endure whatever they did to me. And eventually... that thought gave me the will and the strength to escape from that hell. You were the reason I made it out of there... and the focus I needed to not lose my mind while I was still in there."

Sureen had never seen him look so... timid. Forcing those words out, although it was obvious he wished the ground would swallow him up right after they had escaped his lips. This time, he really WANTED her to know something personal about him. As if he was trying to make up for not wanting her to share those... other memories earlier.  
The insight moved her to the core. Nothing had been destroyed. The connection between them still existed and he was trying to prove it.

The girl wished for something, anything to show him how much she appreciated his words... but there was nothing she could do or say. Everything that came to mind was either insufficient or completely over the top. Her eyes would have revealed her emotions, had he looked up to her... but still, Jet didn't have the heart to lift his gaze. Instead he spoke on, his voice hardly more than a whisper...

"And you know... somewhere in the back of my mind, I always hoped to see you again one day. Hoped to get the chance to tell you how much I missed you all these years... and..."

Suddenly, he leaned over to her. When she turned her head towards him, taken by surprise, Jet let go of her hand and carefully cupped his fingers around her cheek. Finally, their eyes met and all the unspoken words radiating from Sureen's reached their destination. A second later, she felt Jet's lips touching hers ever so gently. For a second, she thought her heart would stop. She held her breath, swamped by a million thoughts. _What the hell are we doing?! We're friends, just FRIENDS, aren't we... We've ALWAYS been friends...!_

But... this just didn't feel wrong. Not at all. Yet, she didn't dare to move. She wanted to embrace him, to hold him close, to kiss him back... but... remembering his intense reaction in answer to her attempt to touch him only a few minutes ago, doing WHATEVER right now probably wasn't really an option. By no means did she intend to offend him once again. So she kept still. Doing nothing but opening her lips the slightest bit to respond to his kiss. When Sureen closed her eyes, another stream of tears ran down her face.

-x-x-x-

Eventually, a red sun sank into Lake Laogai. As soon as the source of Zuko's power disappeared, the prince felt chilly. He could wait no longer for Sureen to get back. He would go and check on her right now. Determinedly, he turned away from the railing and headed for the stairs quickly. They'd had enough time to talk by now.

-x-x-x-

After just a few seconds - although it seemed like an eternity to her - Jet let go of Sureen's lips. Slowly she opened her eyes again... meeting the gaze of... _oh hell, no..._ PRINCE ZUKO, who just had come storming down the stairs. Upon realizing what was going on, he had frozen in place though. The moment their eyes met, he blushed and turned away.

"Whoa... jeez. Great. Seems like we've got company," the girl mumbled, trying to stay calm.

In a daze, Jet blinked a few times, slowly realizing where he was and what was going on around him. "Oh... you mean... your grumpy friend?"

"Yup... exactly." A faint smirk flashed over Sureen's face. What an accurate description.

"Alright. Let me handle this." All the sudden, Jet's timidness was gone. Faced with the new situation, he immediately changed into the self-confident, charismatic leader-guy he used to be back then, when they were kids. Startled and impressed at the same time, Sureen sat back, watching her companion with wide eyes.

"You know, before we met today, I was up to something. I've been thinking about a plan. And I could use his support," Jet explained, throwing a glance at the boy. "I've been thinking about asking him to join me anyway. I'd like a word with him," he added.

"Alright... I have no idea what 'plan' you're talking about, but... just don't bite his head off, alright? I know he can be really grumpy and unapproachable... but he's not a bad person. Not at all," Sureen replied assertively.

"Actually, when we first met, he nearly bit MY head off." Jet countered. Upon seeing the surprised look on Sureen's face he chuckled slightly. "Yeah... you know, he was none-too-happy when I tried to go after you. To say the least. So... seems like the guy really likes you. That's a brownie point for him." Jet's face was brightened up by a smirk which grew even bigger when he saw Sureen blushing at his words.

Quickly, she added, "Yeah... um... Besides that... I know that, in general, your 'plans' aren't exactly... innocuous. So... take care, alright?"

Determinedly, Jet stood up. Before turning towards Zuko, he gave Sureen a last faint smile.  
Meanwhile, the prince was still frozen in place at the foot of the stairway. Approaching the boy, Jet lightly grabbed his shoulder to make him turn around. He pointed up the stairs with his chin, wordlessly telling Sureen's companion to follow him back on deck. Hesitatingly, Zuko did as he was told... but threw a questioning glance over his shoulder, meeting Sureen's eyes. She smiled back reassuringly, letting him know that his presence wasn't necessary any longer. Then both boys disappeared up the stairs.

_Wow. Oh hell... that was intense. In every possible way._ Sureen's mind was racing, trying to come to terms with what had just happened. _Jet..._ She couldn't find the words to describe the horror she had felt upon seeing... those memories. _God what had they done to him!?_ Quickly, she tried to shake off the disturbing pictures. Instead, she focused on a more pleasant sensation. It felt like a warm afterglow lingering on her lips. _Oh my God, he kissed me, he just kissed me, he REALLY KISSED ME!_ She couldn't deny the butterflies flying in her stomach. A sheepish smile spread across her face and she hugged her knees again.

-x-x-x-

Had this jerk seriously just KISSED Sureen? How could this ... guy just appear from nowhere, almost push Sureen to the point of collapse, only to KISS HER a few hours after that?! Zuko just didn't get it. Back on the ferry's deck, the prince wanted to confront Jet with all these inconsistencies immediately. But the man didn't give him the opportunity to do so.

"Sorry for the confusion caused and for just bursting in earlier. I'd like to apologize for being such an idiot. And I'd like to introduce you to my team. As I said before, my name's Jet. These are my Freedom Fighters, Smellerbee and Long Shot." Until now, Zuko hadn't been aware that Jet was travelling with the two figures that now quickly bent their heads.

"Hello," the prince replied shortly, still confused about the whole situation.

"Before we met today, I was working on a plan. And when I heard that you were complaining about the adverse conditions on this ferry and the rotten food we're forced to eat, I got an idea. I'd like to ask you something. Here's the deal: I hear the captain's eating like a king, while us refugees have to feed off his scraps. Doesn't seem fair, does it? You wanna help us liberate some food?" Jet asked, looking him right in the eye.

Zuko's eyes went wide with surprise. Then he nodded. "I'm in."

* * *

_She captures her reflection, then she throws the mirror to the floor  
__Her image is distorted, screaming "Is it worth it anymore?"_

_Are you scared of the things that they might put you through?  
__Does it make you wanna hide the inner you?_

_You're not the only one, so let them criticize  
__You're untouchable when you realize__..._

...

_His body starts to flicker, like nobody wants to know his name  
__Just another soul with feelings, but nobody's there to feel the pain_

_They can rip you, bring you down, down to their size  
__But they will never get to the heart you hold inside_

_You're not the only one, so let them criticize  
__You're untouchable when you realize__..._

_Change, change your life, take it all  
__We're gonna stick together, know we'll get through it all  
__Change, change your life, take it all  
__You're gonna use it to become what you've always known_

_..._

_[LITTLE MIX - CHANGE YOUR LIFE]_

_LINK TO THIS SONG:_  
_w w w. tape. t v / musikvideos/ Little-Mix/ Change-Your-Life_  
___[copy+paste - remove blanks - enter :)!]_

* * *

-x-x-x-

**A/N: WHOA *heart's still racing*...! K... anyway *ahem*. So... basically, this one is about distance. And about situations in which one is supposed to keep it. And the lines one crosses when they don't keep it. ... R&R please! :o)**


	9. Second chances

**A/N: OOOOOOMG guys... longest chapter EVER! But I just couldn't help it, I couldn't stop it any earlier... cause that whole thing is one... and everything belongs to the song that belongs to this chapter... and so, everything belongs together... but nothing belongs to ME :P. Especially the parts from episode #212 ("The Serpent's Pass") that I've included here. Not my creation. Nope. Me owns nothing!**

**Gosh and again I kept you waiting for SO LONG, I knooooooow :-S... I really wish I could update quicker, but somehow it's just not happening *sigh*. This time, my boyfriend moved to a new place... closer to my place :o). And so there was a lot of organizing and then driving around, getting his furniture from A and C to B ;)... and... yeah, a lot of chaos and no freetime, generally speaking ;).**

**Oh and eventually I wanna say a real big THANK YOU to Magnusrae... for being the only one who's continuously reviewing my chapters and giving me the coolest feedback and suggestions EVER! What would this fic be without you my dear!? THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH, you're THE BEST! :o) :o) :o)**

******But alright then, here's chapter 9 for you. At least it's freakin' looooong... in retrun for the freakin' long WAIT :P.**

**-9-**

* * *

**SECOND CHANCES**

* * *

Admittedly, Jet's plan - to break in the pantry and liberate the captain's food - was virtually perfect. Zuko couldn't deny it.

They had left Long Shot on the basement floor, on the opposite side of the pantry. They would need his help later on. He would be responsible to ensure their quick and safe escape. They had figured out an apt moment to sidle up the stairs. Right after the sentinel that guarded the pantry had passed the stairway and had turned his back to them, Jet, Zuko and Smellerbee had appeared from the darkness of the staircase and had entered the moonlit ferry-deck. Within a second, the two boys had flitted over to the pantry, pressing their backs against its wooden wall to hide in the shadows. Smellerbee also had taken her assigned position. The tomboy had hidden opposite the pantry - invisibly, but yet closely enough to stay within earshot for the boys - in order to warn them of the sentinels that passed by every few minutes.

Jet had thoroughly laid out the various steps of his plan as well as the exact sequence of said steps. Everyone was contributing determinedly. Although Zuko's body was entirely busy performing his given tasks, in the back of Zuko's mind he was... well... Stunned? Confused?! They were working as a team. Each of them indispensable to creating the big picture. And Zuko was part of it. Part of this bunch of PEASANTS! Great. Had he really sunk so low by now?! He was still the PRINCE OF THE FIRE NATION, wasn't he!? Okay, well... the _banished_ prince of the Fire Nation. But that didn't matter right now, he thought, frowning deeply.  
On the other hand, being an equal member of a team felt... startlingly fulfilling. Jet and his Freedom Fighters worked hand in hand, trusting each other blindly. Zuko couldn't deny that deep inside he was impressed. But on the outside he kept up his couldn't-care-less attitude. He had never been someone to act under orders, let alone someone to act under orders in a team. He was supposed to be the one who ISSUED the orders!  
Anyway... under orders or not... he just didn't have the time to think about that stuff right now. He had to keep going. Thanks to his alter ego, well-known and dreaded as the Blue Spirit, secret liberating plans were nothing new for Zuko. He had developed and improved his ability to stay under the radar during various missions... missions, for instance, like secretly freeing the avatar. Compared to that, liberating some FOOD truly was a piece of cake for the prince! And he would leave no doubt about it.

Zuko's opportunity to demonstrate his abilities came just a second later. First, he helped Jet break into the pantry by destroying the doorknob and courageously entering the room first - Dao swords pulled out, ready to attack anyone waiting for them inside. But in line with Jet's plan, the pantry was abandoned. Zuko used his swords to snatch up the bowls of rice and vegetables arranged on the pantry table. Quick as lightning and almost without a sound, he stacked the bowls and stashed them away in one of the bags they had brought. He pretended to pay no attention to the commendatory glance Jet threw at him in return, although the older boy's skills were nothing short of Zuko's. In a sole smooth sweep Jet cut down the roasted ducks that were in a row above the table. Jet's loot disappeared into another bag.

Suddenly they heard Smellerbee's alarmed voice from outside - "Guards coming!" In the blink of an eye, the boys rushed out of the pantry. Now it was Long Shot's turn to give them a quick means of escape. From his hidden position on the basement floor vis-à-vis the pantry, he shot an arrow attached to a rope. He aimed for the wooden railing and safely hit the intended target. In an instant, two figures and two bags slid downwards, along the rope, reaching the basement's floor quickly.  
The very moment Long Shot removed his arrow from the railing by jerking the rope, the guard passed by on the upper floor.

Downstairs, though, no one took notice of the three strange guys sneaking away, carrying some large bags on their bags.

-x-x-x-

"You're pretty skilled with your Daos. Wouldn't have expected that. Good job! And thanks for your help." Jet's voice was calm but full of approval when he approached the younger boy.

"Huh!? Welcome. Not a big deal," Zuko replied, sounding as unimpressed as ever. He didn't even turn around to face the man. There was no way he wanted to concede that, in fact, Jet's appreciative words hadn't left him unimpressed at all.

Regardless of Zuko's unapproachable attitude, the leader of the Freedom Fighters spoke on. "You know... as soon as I saw your scar, I knew exactly who you were."

_WHAT THE...?!_ Jet's words made Zuko catch his breath. _There's NO WAY he could have found out... right?_ Although he felt every muscle in his body tensing up, the prince managed not to show any signs of the unease that was creeping down his spine.

"You're an outcast. Like me," the older boy continued. Luckily, he didn't notice the sigh of relief that escaped Zuko's lips. "... And us outcasts have to stick together. We have to watch each other's backs... 'Cause no one else will." With that, Jet's voice almost cracked. From the corner of his eye, Zuko saw him wince. For a second, the prince fell silent, thinking about the older boy's words.

Still, Zuko didn't turn around when he finally replied, "I've realized lately that being on your own isn't always the best path." A frown spread across his face as he added, "Although, at times, it seems to be the only path." The prince took a deep breath, as if suddenly reminded of something. It took him some time to brace himself before he finally spoke on. "Jet... there's something I need to know."

The older boy arched his eyebrows up in surprise. "So? Go on then."

"Sureen. She told me you were her best friend back then. Alright. But... it doesn't make sense. Your appearance today scared the hell out of her. I've never seen her that petrified before. But then... when I came back... what I saw seemed just like the opposite of being petrified." Zuko glared over to the man who was the cause of all these inconsistencies. "Like... you were MORE than just best friends... I mean... Anyway, you know what I mean. So... don't you DARE hurt her, got that?!" His eyes flared furiously. When the prince received no reaction, he went on, his voice more calm this time. "What the hell do you want from her? Are you... are you in love with her?"

This time it was Jet who suddenly caught his breath. Still, he managed not to show the turmoil inside him... but looking exactly in the opposite direction to avert Zuko's gaze and clenching his fists was just a little too obvious.

"I... I don't know a thing about love," Jet finally ground out. "But Sureen is... She's like the loadstone of my life, if that makes sense. I can't tell you what I want... I just know that I definitely DON'T wanna hurt her. This war has already hurt us way too much. All of us, I mean. We all... got our scars, right? Those you can see... and those you can't." Eventually, he turned around and faced the younger boy, who returned Jet's look in reluctant agreement.

-x-x-x-

Sureen lay awake and stared into space. She just couldn't convince herself that, in fact, she was tired and that sleeping would be a good idea at this point... Especially as the ferry was supposed to arrive at the harbor of Ba Sing Se the next morning. Furthermore, she had had the best dinner that she had had in weeks just a few hours ago. Said dinner had only been possible thanks to "her boys." She couldn't deny that she had been incredibly proud, watching them with their bags brimming with food giving out their loot to every passenger on the ferry. So, apparently, Jet's plan had been successful. And what was more, it seemed as if Zuko had worked hand in hand with the Freedom Fighters to accomplish their mission. Yup, she truly had been incredibly proud, Sureen thought, smiling gently. And by now, she ought to be incredibly tired.

But yet, her mind was busy coming to terms with everything that had happened that day. Her thoughts were running circles around a sole subject: Jet. Their conversation... especially, well, its nonverbal part... had revealed so much. Far too much for her to grasp. No matter how hard she tried, she just couldn't switch off her train of thought. With a sigh, she got up, trying not to wake Zuko. Without a sound she left their makeshift sleeping berth and sneaked up the stairs to the ferry-deck. Maybe watching the gentle waves of Lake Laogai would set her mind at ease.

Upon taking a look around, Sureen noticed that she wasn't the only one who had got this idea tonight. An all-too-familiar figure leaned against the railing, his back turned towards her, his eyes wandering across the wideness of the lake. She approached Jet carefully, so as not to startle him, and placed herself next to him at the railing. Wordlessly she joined him in watching the waves.

"Can't sleep either?" she asked after a while. Jet sighed and shook his head in response.

Abruptly, but with a low voice, he blurted out, "Your grumpy friend... He hasn't told me his name yet, by the way... After we had successfully liberated the food from the captain's pantry, he asked me... 'cause what he saw today... he asked if I'm in love with you." Timidly, so as to avoid Sureen's gaze, Jet kept scanning the surface of the lake.

The girl's eyes widened and she felt her heartbeat speeding up. But Jet didn't speak on. Slowly, the silence turned from uncomfortable to awkward to, eventually, just unbearable... at least for Sureen. "Well... um... and what did you say?" she couldn't refrain from asking.

"I... I couldn't answer his question," Jet whispered hesitatingly. "'Cause in that moment I realized that I can hardly remember what it feels like to be loved... let alone to love someone. You know, thus far, my life has been largely governed by hatred. Hatred was the only real emotion I was able to feel all these years. It consumed me entirely. So I guess I could easily write a novel about the various shades of hatred or something... " His voice was drenched in bitterness, when he added, "But I can't answer a single question about love. It's like those memories come from a distant past that had once been my life... but it was just too long ago. Too long to remember anything, really."

Sureen sighed in agreement. "Yeah I know. I know what you mean." Although Jet's answer wasn't quite what she had secretly hoped for, she knew exactly what he was talking about. "Like... it's so hard to believe that all these memories really come from your own past... 'cause it feels like you had a completely different life back then. There's just no connection between these memories and the present. I know."

The girl fell silent again, poring over Jet's words. Eventually, she spoke on, her eyes flaring up determinedly. "But you know what?! The hell with it." She wouldn't leave Jet feeling so lost... and herself, either. "If I'm really cut off from my past and my future could be everything or nothing - 'cause this is war and so my whole life could turn upside down any second - if things are really like that... alright then. It means that all that's left and the only thing you can rely on is the present. This moment is all I got. It's the only thing I can change - so that's what I'm doing. Trying to get things done NOW. Hoping that... you know... 'Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, -"

"- it's not the end.' **(*) **Yeah. That's what they said. Right." Jet seemed to regain a little more control as he completed their people's old saying. "But it's just... you know, when it comes to issuing orders or planning missions for my Freedom Fighters... when the others expect me to be their leader and to tell them what to do... there's no question I can accomplish that. Without even thinking twice. But when it comes to my own issues... my abilities fail me. I wish I could just guide myself like I can guide others. But I can't. I fucking can't." Again, his voice was filled with bitterness.

Sureen took a deep breath. "But... but isn't it just what you're doing right now?! 'Guiding yourself,' I mean. You're going to Ba Sing Se to start a new life there. And to me, that sounds pretty much like a plan. Like a plan you made up for yourself. So... you're just about to get there, you're on your way to tell yourself what to do, kind of. Or at least you took a first step in that direction. And to me it seems like a really good first step." There was no doubt she believed in Jet's ability to get himself out of the mess he was stuck in. "So just keep going. And don't you dare give up," she added assertively.

Nonetheless, the girl had felt his confusion ever since she had entered the ferry-deck. She just couldn't pinpoint its source. Why was he so afflicted by doubts that night? _OH NO... what if... oh no, please no..._

"Do you... do you regret it?" she asked all of a sudden.

"Regret... what?" Jet replied bemusedly.

"The kiss," Sureen whispered, her voice hardly audible.

"You... I... WHAT?! Why... what the...!? NO! I mean... Alright, that wasn't exactly a well-considered idea, but I don't regret it."

Hearing that, the girl felt a load off her mind. _Thank God!_ But still it seemed as if that was only a part of the truth... still there was something the boy hadn't told her yet.

"It's just that... whatever I started by kissing you... I can't possibly continue it. I'm afraid I can't move any further in that direction, you know," Jet added hesitantly.

Sureen could feel her heart constricting. Yet she reminded herself to stay calm. This was nothing she hadn't anticipated. _Alright then._ "I see. Because you can't remember how to... whatever... how to do that? Or are there... any other reasons?"

"Dunno." He shrugged.

_He's lying. He DOES know._

"I just can't. 'Cause..." Jet let out a shaky breath. Sureen could literally feel him trying to fight the chaos on his mind and pull himself together. "... 'cause I couldn't come to terms with it. Probably. No idea. It's like... too much has happened. And I just can't ignore it. I wish I could... but I can't." From his tense posture and the way he clung to the railing, the girl could tell that revealing the truth about this demanded a lot from him.

"I feel you. It's alright. Don't worry," she hurried to jump in. Her gentle tone left no doubt that Jet didn't have to go into further detail on that point. There was no need to.

"Oh, c'mon. To hell with your mind reading shit," he complained halfheartedly. But the relief in his voice could not be missed.

"Well... oh, and just to let you know, there's nothing we need to 'continue'. I mean... I have no idea what Ba Sing Se looks like and what it will be like to live there. But maybe it's not that different from living in a village. Just bigger. And so... Hey, we'll be neighbors again, in a way! Like we used to be! Yeah, sure. We can't bring back the past, 'cause the past is gone, I know. But anyway, you're just my favorite neighbor ever! So how cool is THAT?!" Abruptly, a grin spread over Sureen's face. "And no matter how far away our past seems to be, I can still remember that back then, we always were perfectly good at just doing what felt right. And I can't imagine we unlearned that in the meantime. So... if we could do it back then, why shouldn't we go for it now. Only doing what feels right, I mean."

Jet didn't reply. But his slumped posture and doubtful gaze answered for him.

Sureen's confidence wasn't that easy to break though. "I'm sure we'll get there. We'll figure it out, never fear."

Still, Jet didn't say a thing. Instead, he let go of the railing and turned towards Sureen, his eyes averted. Then she felt his hand cautiously grasping her waist. Just where the hell did that girl get her confidence, he wondered. It seemed as if, no matter what, she could still just change back to that happy-go-lucky-person she had been when they were little. He couldn't keep a short smile from stealing over his face. Was that love? Was that what it felt like? It was gratitude. In any case.  
He bent forward until his forehead touched Sureen's and simply leaned into her. Feeling his coy embrace, the girl intuitively placed her hand on Jet's upper arm. But just as her fingers made contact with Jet's skin, his whole body flinched from the unexpected touch. The girl could feel him tensing up with panic. Yet he fought the urge to back away. Someone being so close to him... not only physically, but mentally... It scared the hell out of him. Especially because they shared the same past and the girl knew him as well as no one else did... And this person so close to him, right now was almost more than he could take after all he had experienced. Every corner of his mind seemed to scream _'DANGER! GET AWAY!'_... But he wouldn't listen. Not this time. Not when it was about HER. He wouldn't let these thoughts get the better of him. Sureen could feel him holding his breath as he forced his arm to stay put.

"Hey there, shhh... It's okay. It's me. Just me. I'm not gonna hurt you. It's alright. You're safe." Her quiet voice was ever so assuasive and gentle as she rambled on, softly babbling meaningless, comforting nonsense and carefully rubbing Jet's arm. Gradually, his trembling decreased and his panic seemed to ease a little. And finally, it just FELT right. And so they just stood there in silence. As the minutes passed by, the soft, rhythmic lapping of Lake Logai's waves was the only sound. And once again, the silence felt much more whole and united than any words could have.

-x-x-x-

Why... was everything so noisy and hectic around her? And what time was it? And how come Zuko was gone again? And why had he even gotten up without waking her? A lot of confusing questions crept into Sureen's sleep, eventually pulling her out of her weird dreams. Dazedly, she blinked and rubbed her eyes. When she sat up to take a look around and regain some orientation, she immediately became aware that Zuko was REALLY gone. And by "really" she meant that this time, even his luggage had disappeared! All around her, people were busy packing their stuff... everyone seemed to be in a hurry... and there was no hint of the Fire Prince! Upon scanning her surroundings, the girl noticed that the ferry had already docked in Ba Sing Se harbor! A lot of passengers had left the ferry and were queuing up at the city gates, waiting to get their permission documents to finally enter the great city of Ba Sing Se.

And Zuko was gone. He had left and she didn't have a clue why. She couldn't see him anywhere! He could be standing in any of the queues... or perhaps he had even passed the gates already and was on his way to the city center! _What the...!? Why for heaven's sake did he leave?! What the hell was he thinking? How could he decide just like that to disappear without a warning... and WHY? Damnit, WHY?! What were his reasons? And how am I supposed to find him now in all that mess? Does he even WANT ME to find him? But if he left on purpose and doesn't want me to find him... then just someone tell me WHY! _Sureen didn't get it. Not in the slightest bit.

But anyway... no matter what, she had to get off the ferry now. Like everyone around her, she hurried to pack her things.

Eventually, her feet touched solid ground again. But the girl didn't have the confidence to savor the sensation. Instead, she almost ran along the wall of Ba Sing Se, frantically scanning the city gates and the long queues in front of them, trying not to overlook a single person. Hopefully she would be able to make out Zuko before he entered the city! Time and again she checked the gates, running up and down along the wall, until she was out of breath. But wait, wasn't that... _Man, hadn't thought his unignorable scar would ever be good for something... thank God, there he is! My goodness, I've found him, I'm so glad!_ There he was, standing in the queue to her left, just about to get his documents! _Hell, I gotta stop him... I gotta talk to him before he's allowed to go into the city!_

But that was easier thought than done. Getting through to the prince turned out to be impossible, as no one was willing to let her squeeze through. While she tried to do so, Sureen felt the scowls of everyone hitting her - how could someone seriously dare cut in line?!

"The end of the queue is BACK THERE," a voice hissed close behind her. Apparently, there was just no way to get somewhere close to Zuko's position. _Damn... very well. Hopefully he can hear me from that far away..._

"ZU-!"_ Hell, no! WHAT AM I DOING?_ The word got stuck in her throat. _Yeah SURE. Yelling 'Zuko' all over the place. Great idea. He's gonna kill me. Great._ "-oom off!" she managed to finish the sentence instead, turning around towards whoever had just mentioned that thing about the end of the queue. _God, that was close. Pheeeeww!_ The person she was now facing was an elderly lady who flinched at the girl's unexpected words. Sheepishly, Sureen turned back around and stepped away from the queue. _Gaaaaah... look at me, making one blunder after another! Today's just not my day, huh?_ She sighed. But anyway, Zuko would disappear behind the city gates in a few if she couldn't stop him RIGHT NOW! So... how... what...?

"HEY THERE! Didn't you FORGET something?! If you really think I'm NOT JUST A DROP, then WHY did you LEAVE LIKE THAT?!" she yelled in his direction as loud as she possibly could. She saw him flinch and twirl around. And although the prince looked pretty intimidating when he glared back at her, Sureen heaved a sigh of relief, since he DID glare back at her. Right at her. "Would you mind MOVING YOUR BUTT OUT OF THAT QUEUE and coming over? Cause UNFORTUNATELY I'm pretty sure everyone standing behind you is gonna KILL ME if I try to get over to YOU!" she continued. "So could you just... I mean... please. Don't just disappear like that. I don't even know WHY..." With these words, her voice fell lower and lower.

She saw him droop his head in response. Eventually, he dragged his feet out of the queue, shuffling a bit further along the city wall, then leaning against it, arms folded. Another sigh of relief escaped Sureen's lips. A second later, she stood right next to him, unsure of what to say. But before the silence began to get uncomfortable, she broke it.

"Zuko..." This time, she made sure she whispered his name. "Okay, look... the day I came back for you... the day we met in that abandoned village, one of the first things I told you was... I don't want to do this against your will and if you prefer going on all alone, you're free to do so. And I meant it and I still do. So... if you wanna leave, I won't stop you. I'm not asking you to stay or whatever... All I ask for is... tell me your reasons. Please don't leave without telling me WHY... 'cause I don't get it. What made you leave? What... what went wrong?"

"Oh, c'mon, isn't that obvious?!" the prince countered harshly, trying to look standoffish and dismissive. "Jet and you. Sure, he told me he doesn't know a thing about love... and neither do I... but nevertheless, I'm not blind or anything. Like... the way you look at each other. It's just unignorable. You can't tell me you aren't in love. So... great, congratulations. Go ahead then. I'm sure you'll have a great future in Ba Sing Se. You two TOGETHER, I mean. And so I take it that my presence is no longer appreciated here, to say the least. Hence, I'm not gonna stand in your way any longer. So I'm leaving." He took a deep breath. With every word, he tried so hard to sound unapproachable, but for Sureen there was no doubt he was just pretending. Why was he so frightened while talking to her? What was going on? What were his REAL reasons for leaving?

Eventually, Zuko continued. "One of the first things _I_ told _you_ that night... back in the village... was - for me, it has never been the right decision to trust others. 'Cause whenever I did, it ended painfully. And I should really have learned that lesson by now, shouldn't I?!" It seemed as if he was talking to himself and not to Sureen anymore. "But no. Apparently, I haven't. I made the same mistake again. But at least, today I decided to finally learn from my mistakes. And THAT'S WHY I'm leaving."

When he lifted his head to face her, Sureen suddenly felt like she was looking into the eyes of a little child that had just been abandoned by his mother in the dead of the night... into the eyes of a boy who had been abused and rejected by his own father... into the eyes of a banished prince who had recently lost the one and only person that had still been there for him. In those eyes she saw nothing but despair and loss. Zuko looked at her without seeing her. Instead, he saw... his past. And everything was just about to repeat once more. The girl's eyes went wide when the insight hit her. NOW she knew why, this time, HE was the one who was leaving HER... who needed to leave her. She swallowed hard and blinked to fight back the tears.

"Zuko, listen." Sureen reached out both hands to grab his shoulders. She knew he wouldn't like it... she braced herself for his flinch - it came just the moment she touched him - but she needed to get his attention right away. "Please. Hey! Look at me! Listen to me! Come on. Please! It's ME! I DO appreciate your presence and that's NOT gonna change and I'm NOT leaving... not for Jet or anyone! I came back for YOU that day and I came back FOR A REASON and I was serious about it and I STILL AM and I'm NOT changing my mind, no matter what! UNDERSTOOD?!"

Dazedly, he blinked a few times as her words began to sink in. A dark shadow seemed to slowly lift from his eyes. Then he nodded. Breathing a sigh of relief, the girl continued, "So... let me explain this, alright? I want you to understand MY reasons, too. And so... please... let me explain... oh..." Sheepishly, Sureen noticed that her hands were still clutching Zuko's shoulders, so she hurriedly took them off again.

"YOUR reasons, huh?! Well... go on then." His voice was way too hoarse and shaky to sound as standoffish as he wanted. But Sureen didn't care. She realized that, after all, he was still giving her a chance right now. To prove him wrong, to tell him that things were different this time. He was hurt and terrified and haunted by his past, but for all that he seriously tried to push back the memories and force himself to focus on Sureen instead. If he had EVER put his trust in her, it was at that very moment. She couldn't help the tears welling up in her eyes.

Sureen knew for sure that she would put her heart and soul into her response. She took some deep, steadying breaths and thought about her next words. By no means was she allowed to screw this up! Eventually, she lifted her head, eyes flashing determinedly. She was ready.

* * *

_The fallen empires, the shattered glass _  
_The wicked echoes of my past: _  
_I've seen it all before  
That's why I'm asking. _

_Will you still be here tomorrow _  
_Or will you leave in the dead of the night? _  
_So your waves don't crash around me _  
_I'm staying one step ahead of the tide. _  
_Will you leave me lost in my shadows _  
_Or will you pull me into your light?_  
_Teach me how to be loved_

_Can I give myself just one more second chance  
And put my trust in love, please don't hurt me ..._

_[REBECCA FERGUSON - TEACH ME HOW TO BE LOVED]_

_Link to this song:  
w w w . tape. t v / musikvideos/ Rebecca-Ferguson/ Teach-Me-How-To-Be-Loved  
[Remove the blanks I've added here!]  
_

_-x-x-x-_

* * *

**A/N: Yeah I KNOW, another cliffhanger :P :P :P! But seriously, that was the earliest possibility to end this chapter... and it's really long enough already... so... yeah. I fear you need to wait a while for Sureen's reply :P.  
**

**And somehow, I'm not quite satisfied with this chapter. And I don't even know WHY, that's the most annoying thing! I know I kind of don't like that Jet-Sureen-part in the middle. But I've no idea what's wrong with it *sigh*. Well... but anyway... maybe YOU can tell me?! The review box and me are waiting for your comments ;)...**

**(*) In RL, this is a quotation by Oscar Wilde. Not by Sureen's and Jet's people :P. Just for the record. ;)**


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